My camping trip was great. I’m just trying to get back into the swing of things.
I was told that I am going to run my coordinator out of a job if I don’t step back. They need him to be accountable for his role. They gave him softer language, but I am getting mixed signals. My coordinator is on holiday; he returns tomorrow. His boss, the Youth Manager, has a meeting today and got me to write reports yesterday. Cute. With my boss on holiday, I have to coordinate all the programs this week. Which I am doing. I don’t hate it. I am also finishing what I started, in regard to securing free phones and rate plans for the relatives of my participants. This shouldn’t be on my plate, but here I am. I applied months ago and had to wait until the end of July for them to review my application. My organization already has an established relationship with them, I was told. I called front reception, and sure enough, they know all about it. They gave all 150 phones to our women’s shelter. This annoys me because this is the second time my NPO has gotten in my program’s way. They just renewed their contract and are going to get back to me about if they can offer it to my program. The last Youth Manager offered this to our program before she was fired. My coordinator is too unorganized to follow through. I’m not. I found other options to get the parents of my kids connected. Communication has been such a challenge. I have families without phones, emails, or ways to check their emails. And the other time my NPO got in my programs way? I was so close to securing 160k in funding a year for 4 years, but we are operating at a higher cost than we are supposed to. We are in the middle of an expansion, so maybe we can make the foundation we want funding from understand that. This won’t be the case next year.
All the youth programs went to the beach yesterday. It was a nice day. I didn’t take the bus; I drove with Virginia, the coordinator of a different program. Man, she spilled all the tea on what is happening behind the scenes. She made me feel so seen, though. She has been watching me run this program while my coordinator makes the wage for it. That didn’t bother me until she worded it that way. I do it for the community. I always remind myself whenever it starts to bother me.
Other than work, I’m struggling to connect with myself and my own shit. Same old story, I know. I’ve always had one day a week to myself. My hours are synced with my roommates, and I am suffocating. I’m going to take a half day or pick a day to work from home. I just need to set my iPad up to support that one. I need a day of no input.
But things aren’t that bad. They aren’t bad. I am stuck in that survival mode where I am waiting for everything to just fall apart. I gotta find a way to snap out of this. I have a somatic trauma therapy session on Saturday. This might be the ticket.
I have been having a hot girl summer. I’m constantly on the go which is great. Exhausting, but great. This weekend I am driving up to Gimili for the Icelandic festival. Another day in the sun. Can’t wait. My roommate is like let’s all bring our bikes! Like, no. Nobody wants to ride a bike. She’s a fucking psycho on that thing. I’ve gone with her once. The second time, we agreed to go our separate ways. She rides full speed, dressed in sleeves, in 37C weather, no shade, no water, and does this because it makes her feel like she is better than everyone else.
Anyway, I gotta get back to it. I needed to write just to write.
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