I spent 4 straight days traveling in a 15 passenger van and playing 5 shows. I received word on day 1 that my best friend’s mom had passed away. Because his wife’s family were out of town they decided to have the funeral on Monday. I arrived home at 1am on Monday. I got a few hours of sleep and had to rush thru some work and get to the funeral.
I arrived about 10 min before start. The family came in together from the back and I felt this bump on the back of my arm - it was my friend.
The funeral was very fitting for his mom. She was a life long educator and community activist. She was devoted to her church and the kids that went there. Unfortunately, the last few years have been not so kind and she finally won her battle against Alzheimer’s.
As the family was leaving the service he walked over, tears in his eyes, and gave me a fist bump. When the directors released everyone I was approached by several people telling me they saw me in concert recently and that they enjoyed it. The funeral directors stopped me to talk to me and make small talk. I was trying to get to my friend but the family had already moved to the dining area for a meal. A group of people was between me and the door so I stopped and spoke to them. They were related to my friend thru his mom. I was intending to step into the dining room and say something quick to my friend when his wife approached the group and specifically told each of them that they had prepared a meal for the family. Then, looked at me and said nothing.
I told them that I had an appointment to get to but if they would please let him know that I am available whenever he needs me - just call.
I am normally oblivious to be subtleness. I would never tell my friend what happened. So, I went to my vehicle and I sent him a text that basically read: I’m here whenever… embrace the grieving process but don’t think you have to do it alone…the service was beautiful and you did right by her in every way possible!! I’m here to talk or if you just want to sit and throw rocks in the lake - just call!
I sent his dad a message and told him to excuse my absence to the fellowship but felt that it needed to be just family. He called and lovingly scolded me by saying that I should be aware that I am part of their family.
I spoke to my therapist briefly about the situation because I couldn’t shake the awkwardness. I’m very sure I did nothing wrong and the validation came later when he answered his text - I love you bro - thanks for being there!
The bro code is a real thing - and when you know there’s people in your life that will lift your spirits by just showing up - sometimes that’s all you need.
I’m just thankful I recognized the unspoken message.
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