I’m ultimately sitting in the “in-between.” I’m not depressed, sad or upset - but I’m not happy. My task is to recognize what feeling has gone silent that I wish would come back? At first, the very thought of answering that question had me questioning if it was out of ego. It really didn’t take me long to say it out loud.
I wanted to be recognized.
I’ve lived in a shadow for all my life. Absolutely, I get to do things that some folks don’t get to do. It’s not about that at all - I want to be recognized. I have family members that were always pushed out in front and I stood in their shadow. It didn’t matter if I worked 100 times harder, was 1000 times more perfect - and even when we were pitted against one another and I let them win - I felt as guilty as the guilt I was avoiding had I won.
It’s a miserable feeling to always try to be recognized without being recognized and feeling guilty when you are.
But - I am healing. I’m saying it here first - I want to be recognized and seen for me.
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