We are currently on Day 189 for the year. Imagine that… I had anticipated that my writing would get back on track to outpace the year and.... I was honestly of a mind that it would. But I seem to not be in that place at present. I could write four additional entries after this and only just be caught up with the concept of an entry a day!
RE: Dating Apps- The Conversation I’m having… which, by the way is likely another indicator that I’m terrible at these things, as aren’t you supposed to be having multiple conversations instead of just one at a time?......... The Conversation I’m having moved into “so what are your plans for the week” so… it may be time to start preparing/planning a date possibility. Which hey- if that actually happens would mean FOUR dates this year! But if it happened in July, I’d have to add the additional money spent on the app memberships to the calculations. So puts the total investment around $550.... 4 dates would mean each date was $137.50 to procure. Again IF this conversation turns into a date. If not, then..... I’m looking more like 3 dates which would mean each date was $183.33 to procure. SO… that’s another way of looking at it. Literally, the more dates I go on, the better I can feel about “the financial investment” of this bloody experience. But we’re counting chickens at this point; no date has even been discussed, let alone set.
Meanwhile, the job continues to… vex me. Figuring out a proper way to split duties with someone who will not be here in less than 5 weeks is… a chore in itself. I cannot simply have him do everything, though I am capable of giving that order. Because I need to make sure I’m protecting the things that are coming up that I’ll have to deal with solo again. And the Court Calendar isn’t exactly taking that into consideration. As an example? We have but a single trial on Thursday. ONE thing to do the entire day. Truly. But two weeks after the intern leaves? I have one trial day that is currently scheduled with 26 TRIALS. So.... two people here, we have 1 case to share between us.... one person here… twenty six trials to complete in 3 hours! Literally, they didn’t even START them all at the AM period to give me a full 6 hours! THAT IS a requirement to finish more than 8 trials per hour! So… y’know.. craziness here. And then I check on the intern’s current work… and.... I have to convince myself to just breathe. He’s not doing it the way I would, but I’ve encouraged him to do it the way that makes sense to him and is easiest to tackle. It just means that when I was planning on helping by doing some paperwork for him… I literally can’t. This is the benefit of a Universal Method, in that multiple people can help if everyone does it the same way. But we also know that the youth are more comfortable (and honestly more proficient) when they can implement a way that works best for them. I just… one of the things to “look forward to” when he’s gone is bringing this department back under a more universal approach. (See what I did there… trying to find a silver lining to doing this job 100% solo again?)
Back to Dating Apps for a moment, the apps are starting to suggest people from not just “far away” but largely from other States. I am now frequently getting matched up with women in Missouri, Nebraska, Illinois, and Minnesota. Charting JUST “my city to the state border” for each? Me to Minnesota is 74 miles (112 to get to Rochester); Me to Illinois is 92 miles (that’s East Dubuque); Me to Missouri is 150 miles (that’s Downing); and me to Nebraska is 218 miles (and that’s not even Omaha!). SO… that significantly impacts “reasonable ability” here. Because I’m still somewhat convinced that the previous Dating App girl didn’t work out because she thought the distance was burdensome. And she isn’t wrong. If it takes one person a 4 hour round trip for a date, or both people are required to make a 2 hour round trip every date.... I can understand why that doesn’t get past the first few dates!
Returning to the work issues.... I’m already hitting compassion fatigue again. Decision Fatigue is long since passed to the point where I’ve significantly diminished all decisions I have to tackle for the most part. But the idea of constantly hearing every day thousands of variations of “You don’t understand. I can’t comply with the law because X, Y, Z”. It… seriously. I’m not a terrible person. I want to give every person the opportunity to get their lives on track and have a chance at success. And I know how a few bad breaks can pile up into a lifetime of never feeling like you’re getting ahead. If I hadn’t had the breaks I did? College could have destroyed my life. Divorce could have destroyed my life. Hermia could have destroyed my life. And all the thousand of other things that have popped up to cut, gouge, slash, or inconvenience that can trip people up. I acknowledge the privilege I have enjoyed due to family money, family position, education, being a white man in the United States, etcetera. BUT EVEN WITH ALL OF THAT the compassion fatigue can set in quickly. I forgot to add it to the entry for yesterday but literally leaving the Grocery Store last night, I was pulled aside by an employee who recognized me as the traffic prosecutor because she wanted to tell me about getting pulled over, arrested, and her car impounded and how that wasn’t right or fair or acceptable. And here’s the deal..... she’s a single mom with a disabled kid working two jobs. She has my sympathy. BUT she’s been driving without a license for the last 4 years, she only got insurance last month, and her car registration is expired. And she’s received multiple multiple tickets for all of that. At some point, officers face the reality that “Ticketing this person isn’t discouraging them from breaking the law.” And in these particular cases, I appreciate better than most of my colleagues what the issues are. Too many prosecutors would simply say, “They know it is illegal. They keep doing it anyway. No sympathy.” But I, at least, understand that there are no other options. There’s no Municipal Transportation that can get people to everything and everywhere they need to be. This is Iowa so Lord knows if there are any pedestrian friendly neighborhoods, the high cost of living there prices out the people who need it! There is no way to function in this state and get ahead without the ability to drive. But sympathy and “You know you need to obey the law” have to meet somewhere. We can’t just say, “System sucks, break whatever law you need to, kthnxbai!” And frankly, I can’t support any system that says “Only follow the laws that benefit you”..... which is why I protest so hard against the current government! We need… something in the middle! We need to say “We’ll work on addressing the holes in the system; but there are still consequences for breaking the law.” And… I’m starting to wonder if the divides in our country will continue to prevent such a reality. It seems like we can ONLY say “Breaking the law is bad” or “Humans should be free”. I run into people that literally say we shouldn’t prosecute theft but I wonder if they’d feel the same way if the things they own were taken from them? People who say we shouldn’t prosecute traffic cases; but then scream about the helplessness of when a speeding truck kills a family on a tractor. Or when the drunk teenagers doing 120 on the gravel lose it and they all die. Honestly… I have a case right now where the street cams show everyone (including the driver) with most of their body outside of the windows while going double the speed limit. Would it be a better world if we didn’t prosecute any of them? Should we wait until their recklessness costs lives? ::deep sigh:: Yeah, this is why I watch Anime and Play Video Games. Right, Wrong, Power, Good, Evil.... they are to be cared about or ignored at leisure and the story and the characters and the entertainment take center stage! I can watch Natsu pummel someone for hurting his friend while I’m in game assassinating a Khajiit who fell behind paying his debts. I can watch Ainz Ooal Gown decimate the world of man while I’m in game building a new house for orphans. It’s one of the billion reasons I love acting. Whether I’m rude and funny, or evil and insidious, or charming and heroic.... I’m doing it in service to a mutual goal, A Good Show. I think part of the disconnect of the modern world is how there aren’t as many mutual goals. It would be nice to say we all want to see the Country succeed… but you’ve got millions who figuratively cut off their own head to “own the libs” while you’ve got millions who will suffer needlessly so that people who own billions can continue to live a life that isn’t impacted by shit.
Then any of my existential or ethical meandering is wiped out all over again by a fucking phone call from insane people. harumph. Yeah. As much as I want to find sensitive, genuine, and authentic solutions.... I also deal with too many who should just … we should be able to do things that resolve their blight onto mankind. If your brain is so addled with conspiracy, nonsense, paranoia, and foolishness… we should be able to place you where you can be comfortable, monitored, sedated or medicated as needed, and kept out of being a danger to yourself or the rest of the community. You should not be able to authentically say, “Yes, I had a seizure that caused a 6 car accident. But why the fuck did they take my license?!” You should not be able to sternly say, “I don’t recognize your authority. I don’t have to follow any traffic laws if I don’t want to!” You should not be able to say, “I acted like a man should and I hit her for disrespecting me!” There are just… there are realities that exist that are entirely incongruous and I really think the fact that we are now living in a world where each person gets to live in their own reality is the reason the madness is rising!!
In similar and wildly different topics:
The dating app When Coffee Meets Bagel was.... not doing great. It was primarily giving me matches from Kansas, Chicago, Missouri… places that I have to drive 6 hours to reach ONE WAY. I did start a bit of a chat with a woman who is 140 miles away.... that’s a six hour round trip. So… that was disappointing. I tried to change certain settings to be more… local.... like… can they be at least within 100 miles of here? I mean, that at least covers a radius which nets all 3 primary Iowa Universities… maybe I can be matched with a professor… someone with an advanced degree, a liberal political skew, and a desire to discuss more than just why did Cierra leave the island and what does that mean for Nic? (I had to google Love Island for that reference and I’m not pleased). Well… as could be expected, I suppose… adjusting the settings worked. I’ve started getting matches from around the colleges.... and… I know there are no Points for Being a Good Guy and.. I’m sure I could argue a logical excuse but.... when it started matching me with women between 19 and 23? NO THANK YOU! Yes, I’m sure I could make an argument that young and sexy and vivacious and etcetera and.... “Old man with a Young woman is a thing” but.... I’m not entirely desperate or despicable yet. I want a woman I can talk with, someone with whom I can share opinions and debate opinions. I want to be in a relationship with a person that was alive when the Twin Towers were still standing, thank you! It’s less about “I’m old enough to be your father” and it’s less about “I’m twice your age” as.... those things bother me but only slightly. My bare minimum, and its a stretch as it is, but you must be born on or before 1997. That was the year Princess Di passed away, that was the year the United Kingdom returned sovereignty of Hong Kong to China, that was the year Nintendo 64 released GoldenEye, it was the year Liar, Liar and Men In Black was released. If you are not the same age or older than GoldenEye 64? TOO YOUNG for me. As a fan of old books, I can appreciate owning media older than a potential partner but if you’ve never known a world without Will Smith’s Miami..... that’s kind of really different from never knowing a world without L. Frank Baum’s Ozma of Oz! Now because full disclosure is part of the point of this space? Yes, the 23 year old girl was cute. So, yes, I was also certain that were I to say YES that it would not be a match. But truly, honestly, significantly… I’ve been out of High School for 23 years. It is inappropriate! Nancy was older than me but by only 4 years… Hermia was younger than me by about 8 years… about the same age difference as between me and Essen.... though that comparison says a lot. Hermia and Essen were very different in maturity.... despite having gone through some similar things. But yeah. I.... I am hoping for success in dating. I would still like to hope that maybe I could have a kid someday. Or a healthy committed relationship. AND I’m trying to be “open” to whatever experiences. But.... yeah. 23 seems a bit young!
Ended the night with the dog park and Pub Trivia with some colleagues from Theater. May see if I can expand the invite next time so it isn’t just me and a couple. We… did well enough? We scored 29 points and got 3rd, the winning team scored 34 points. So… 5 points off the lead.
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