Something happens when you are a parent and the people you know start having babies who are younger than yours.
There is so much to say, so many complexities and nuances and things you wish you would have known, that you want to tell them.
And yet, they will likely need to figure it out for themselves. And their children may have completely different personalities and complexities and none of the things that you have to say will really matter anyways.
I think my own urge to give advice is because I want to give advice to my past self.
But in general I think this applies to most new parents:
The only things that matter (that you absolutely need):
1. Where is baby going to sleep/how are you gonna do that?
Look up some techniques so you aren’t googling different ways to rock a baby to sleep at 3am. Also look up the safe sleep 7, and know how to safely cosleep even if you don’t plan to do it because, again it’s 3 am, baby has woken up 4 dozen times and you don’t want to be googling something like sleep safety while sleep deprived. Or you may end up sleeping next to him on the very flat/hard living room floor out of desperation…
-
What is baby going to eat?
Breast feeding is way harder than you would think, get your equipment, and a class and a lactation consultant prepped. But also prepare for the reality that your body may not vibe with it, or baby might have tummy issues. Be prepared to adapt. I can’t offer a formula perspective because I haven’t used it. -
Try not to have expectations.
This also applies to my first 2 points but just in general, the whole process of having a child is wildly unpredictable, you don’t know their physiology or personality until they come out and there is no way to know if you have a chill baby or a decidedly not chill baby until you meet them. Kids personalities evolve constantly too so a chill newborn doesn’t always equal a chill toddler (ask me how I know lol). We build these expectations in our heads about what it will be like when the baby is here and I think that can make some of us struggle if things don’t go to plan. This applies to so many things: Feeding, sleeping, schedules, outings, etc.
So here is my advice that I wish I had when I was about to have a baby.
It is advice I am tempted to give several new moms I know but they don’t seem interested in my advice and maybe writing it down somewhere will help me feel like I don’t have to say it to someone.
And maybe it helps to remind myself of what is coming for me in less than 10 weeks as well.
I’m sure people with 2 kids have advice that I should heed that I am not as I head into the next chapter.
For now I am working on:
1. Being kind to myself and nourishing and moving my body
2. doing the PT exercises that my pelvic floor therapist recommends (IYKYK)
3. cuddling and loving my sweet little toddler as much as possible before he has to share me with his brother
Always
phoebe and soon to be 2 babies
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