I remember when I would come here and write because I was procrastinating on doing something.
Now I am desperate to carve out time to put my thoughts somewhere instead of swimming in endless circles in my head.
I have always wanted to be a writer but never had the courage or patience to actually try.
I am endlessly surprised by the things I am capable of in motherhood.
2 kids with 2 hours of sleep? no problem lol
cleaning up a toddler covered in poop/blood/vomit? no problem (previous to kids I was VERY squeamish about bodily fluids)
today I cried in the target parking lot after being up all night with the toddler, and when he fell asleep the baby woke up and then we had to leave the house because we get our house cleaned on wednesday mornings and I just…I feel like I barely exist
I am here but all I do is survive one moment to the next, toddler needs something, baby needs something, husband needs something… and I am just putting one foot in front of the other but all the things that once made me who I am are slowly dissolving
But at the same time I love my kids so much and I can’t imagine life without them
and now the baby has woken up from his 15 minute nap and yet another thought goes unfinished for now.
Love from phoebe and babies
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