So I worked for awhile last night. I met up with the boyfriend and kid at the park afterwards. I worked some this morning too. I still didn’t have a lot of money and as I was driving, I was deciding what’s priority and what isn’t. So I didn’t make a car note but paid my car insurance. The next thing is the internet bill. I’m diligently working to get everything paid by their due dates and without using my credit card.
I was thinking about court the other day. I remember him tearing up, his face red, his arms stiff but shaking. That’s what he does when he’s pissed off. I just hope now maybe he understands the anger I felt every day for years that he wasn’t present and didn’t pay CS. I felt that same anger every day for years. I’ll never forget. It makes me mad that for him this is about winning, not what’s best for our child. An innocent child that didn’t ask to be born into a fucking dumpster fire.
Doesn’t he ever stop and think about how I don’t feel that my child is safe with him? That I have to worry all the time if she’s safe, has food, has something cold to drink, and he’s actually being attentive? It’s the same concerns every single time she goes with him. We went out to eat Sunday night when he had her and I couldn’t even enjoy my food because I was worried about her the entire time and him blowing up my phone because his girlfriend was overstimulated. No one would want this for their child or themselves.
It’s not normal to have all these concerns especially when your kid is almost 8. I’ve always been more trusting with his girlfriends then I have him. I’m truly embarrassed that he’s never gotten his life together. I’m angry that my daughter isn’t enough for him to become stable. He thought he was going to get 50/50 simply because he’s the Dad and he petitioned for it and when this first started, it was supposed to just be visitation and then he pops off with wanting more than that.
It’s pretty typical of men doing this shit though. They leave the Mom to raise the kid and then after they’re sick of paying and the kids are more self sufficient then they want to be involved. Well, it doesn’t work like that. I’m also irritated that he lied and tried to make the judge believe that he’s never seen her. Did he honestly think that I would just going to sit there? Uh no. I’m going to tell the judge the truth that there was a visit on Sunday.
I remember how fucking pissed I was last weekend that we were to meet at a certain time and they hadn’t shown up yet. Then as we left, my daughter was sad and there was just some nagging feeling in my heart that I still needed to make it happen and that’s why I did.
The judges care about truth and the facts. They don’t care if you like each other or why you don’t. They care about the child and they aren’t going to change the child’s whole life around just to appease one parent. You also want to make sure you have a leg to stand on before you petition for parenting time. If you can’t take care of your child, you have a serious mental condition thinking a judge is going to be supportive of a kid suffering with you.
I’m not the perfect Mom but I am a providing, present, and loving Mom. I may lose my patience and get overstimulated but then I take a minute to breathe. I know that I definitely handle shit way better than my parents did and the biggest thing is my daughter has NEVER gone without whether her “Dad” helped or not. She’s always had food, snacks, drinks, clothes, bedding, winter gear, presents for Christmas, Easter, her birthday and I am always buying her clothes, shoes and snacks at the store.
It’s bullshit that he’s never really been around but wanted her half the time instead of getting parenting time through a court order and work on his own stability issues. He doesn’t understand how hard it is to get stuff done with a kid in tow. I remember telling my friend a couple of weeks before court that he really needs to work on himself. Get a job, keep a job, and start budgeting for his own place, getting his license back and getting in a good place mentally so he can be a good Dad.
His biggest downfall is just always wanting everything handed to him. He’s never had to pay rent, utilities or have the expense of a car. I get that his child support is a higher amount but I’ve always paid my share and his for most of her life. He was hoping that this was gonna go exactly his way so he wouldn’t have to work for it. He wanted it handed to him on a silver platter so he could weaponize a court order to make my life a living hell. I didn’t know what I was going to do if that happened.
I was not me for the last 7 weeks. I was okay for the most part but then he messaged me about 50/50 and if I was to pay him CS that he would give it back to me. There was times where he would start a sentence with, “well when we get 50/50” and it’s like um no dude. I wouldn’t be surprised that someone told him I would have to agree to it and that’s why he wanted to meet up before the hearing. I chose not to because I know that he would’ve brought it up and I would have said no and he would have went in that courtroom and lied like a mf. He already tried to lie and say he just doesn’t ever see her and I shut that down real quick.
It’s still funny to me that he wasted his time writing a letter of ‘concern’ to the judge and that wasn’t useful at all. He really thought that was going to help. I guarantee that letter didn’t even say my daughter’s name in it nor was she mentioned. I’m sure that everything he talked about was his hatred for me and my boyfriend. He isn’t about his child but he is about attention and drama. I wouldn’t be shocked if the judge had his mind pretty made up long before we walked into that courtroom.
I wonder how much the judge knew of our situation beforehand too. I’ve read on Google that it’s not easy for a Dad to get any kind of custody owing a fuck ton of back CS. I wonder if the judge knew what he owed. I wonder if the judge already saw the PO I had on him when I was pregnant and that it had been granted for 5 years or the one I filed last Summer. The judge seemed open minded but within the first few minutes, I could tell that BD wasn’t going to get his way.
It’s always pissed him off that I’ve after taken him ugly talking me for too long, I would block him. I know he was chomping at the bit for a court order so that I wouldn’t be able to anymore. I know that alone probably sent him over the fucking edge. He wanted some badly to have a court order to control me. I thank God every minute of every day. I honestly believe that God was in that courtroom with me and I owe all this to Him.
I’m not a religious person but I am spiritual. I do believe in a higher power. I don’t think every thing good or bad is because of God but I do think he’s got a lot of influence.
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