So, I stopped responding to his messages yesterday. He wanted to meet up before court. Probably because he needed a ride. He messaged several times this morning where I didn’t respond because I was busy getting ready and trying to stay calm. I was hoping that he wasn’t going to show up because then he wouldn’t have gotten shit. I walked in and he was sitting on a bench in the hallway. I didn’t say one word to him and just walked in the courtroom and sat down.
He walked in after me and sat behind me to my left. No one else was there and the judge walked in. He asked him if he wanted to continue with this and he of course said yes. The judge asked me if I still wanted to object and I said yes. The judge asked both of us various questions and BD was trying to state that he doesn’t see her at all, if ever. I piped up and said, “he just saw her on Sunday” and I was asked how that visit went. I told him that my daughter said she was overstimulated because the girlfriend had so many kids and they didn’t meet me at the Sheriffs office like I wanted because she was busy with her kids and wasn’t driving anywhere. Well, he shot himself in the foot by saying that even though he doesn’t have a license, he still could’ve drove. It went downhill from there.
Basically, because he doesn’t have his own place and doesn’t know when he’ll be living in his apartment that isn’t ready (I doubt there is one) because he doesn’t have a Drivers License and just started a new job that his petition is denied. I looked over at him and he had tears welling up in his eyes and his face was bright red. He stormed out of the courtroom and slammed the door into the wall. As he left the courtroom, there’s 2 sheriff’s that stand by the metal detector and made a couple of comments about him walking out. I made sure to stay a couple extra minutes before leaving because I didn’t want to risk him seeing me and trying to attack me or something.
He messaged me as I was in my car leaving saying how he hoped I was happy, that I got what I wanted and to let him know when he’s deemed to see his child. Well, I still don’t plan to keep her from him. He doesn’t NEED 50/50 custody to see her! He just WANTS it because it would make it easier for him to get a free apartment and food stamps. That’s bullshit. It’s no one’s fault that he’s made poor choices and for him to want to use his child to have a place to live and free food is absolutely selfish.
I am not going to take ANY responsibility for his poor choices. He knew right away that I was pregnant, he knew that he had a child on the way. I’m also sick of having my time and gas manipulated because he isn’t able to transport and again, can’t take care of her. It’s just a hassle for ME for him to see her because he doesn’t have the things he needs to make any of this easier for me. I’m still responsible for her even when she’s on his time and I’m fucking sick of it.
He just messaged me and I’m not even going to bother checking it. I know that he’s in his feelings right now and I refuse to go back and forth. I’m going to give it until at least tomorrow because now I promise he’s just looking for a fight. How many times has all of this been UNFAIR TO ME OR OUR CHILD and that’s been alright?! I hope NOW he realizes what the fuck this feels like. It doesn’t feel good whatsoever. I remember all those years EVERYONE telling me how I can’t make him be a Dad so then I do the sane thing and just leave him alone and then he feels entitled to 50/50?!
I think now that we’ve been to court and things didn’t go at all the way he wanted, it’s going to be laughable the next time he threatens me with it. It’s like bro, you have no stable home, no vehicle and just started ANOTHER new job and you think your threats are going to matter?! Probably fucking not. I would honestly laugh in his fucking face. He said that he was paying to get his license back but I’ve also heard that for years now and from what I know, he’s going to have to pay ALL of the arrears before he’s able to get it reinstated. The guy barely pays CS so no, I don’t see him paying anything extra. He doesn’t care about having a license because he likes everyone driving him.
My biggest thing is I don’t want to be threatened with court anymore. It’s gotten pretty fucking old in the last couple of years. How the fuck do you get someone pregnant, abandon them, REFUSE to parent and then decide you want 50/50 custody! I remember telling my friend a couple of weeks ago that all of this is fucking delusional.
I would love to ask him, “what are you so pissed about?” because I believe it’s 1 of 2 things. He’s pissed because he thought he was going to use the court system to further control/abuse me and because now, he’s not able to use OUR child to better himself. He’s only ever wanted her if there’s an audience and up until now that we communicate through a parenting app, he used every chance he got to call me names, threaten me, lie and make up a thousand excuses why he couldn’t see/take her.
I remember all those years I raised her alone and everyone telling me, “ya can’t make him be a Dad” and so many times I went weeks and even MONTHS with her at my side 25/8 while he was living his best life. He trained me to never ask him for a fucking thing. I knew better. If I ever slipped up and asked for him to even get her a pair of shoes, I was berated and like crucified. He would become irate and more emotionally abusive then normal. I didn’t have a choice but to roll over and accept my situation.
Honestly, the moment the judge said his petition was denied and I turned and watched him walk out and slam the door into the wall, I finally got my “aha” moment. I felt like every single thing he’d put me through finally made sense. I hope he finally understands what helpless feels like because that’s how I felt the whole time I was pregnant and the first 3 years of my daughter’s life having to rely on strangers in a fucking daycare to watch her so I could keep my job. He’s always just sat around and let me deal with everything, by myself, every single day and then acted like he was God if he tried to see her. Even when he did come around, he didn’t help with her. I remember picking him up from work at 5am and watching him sleep ALL day while I took care of a tiny baby.
He’s not meant to be a Dad. I know that my daughter has his DNA and there’s no changing that but him feeling entitled because of his title is sickening. He waited until 6 weeks before he was to leave his transitional housing to petition in the fucking first place. He didn’t care that he didn’t see her but wanted to try and use her to avoid being homeless. You are to take care of your child, not your child taking care of you!
I also know that for him to ask for 50/50 is detrimental because it tells the judge that he couldn’t do it on his own. If he would have had legal representation, I know he would have been advised to ask for scheduled parenting time. He didn’t even get that. You gotta be a sad motherfucker to get denied any kind of time with your child. I am so glad that I made the judge aware that he does see his child and how we communicate on a parenting app and that he just lets me know when he’s able to spend time with her. The judge even said how it seems like she lets you see your child.
It’s laughable that he really thought he was going to get 50/50 custody with no home, no car, and just starting a new job. He was dumb enough to tell the judge that he doesn’t have a license but can still drive.
Honestly you guys, I’m just so thankful that it’s over and it went in my favor. Everyone told me all along that they didn’t think I had anything to worry about but I did simply because he’s her bio Dad. There’s always a slim chance because of DNA. You can’t rule it out. I’ve seen enough women go up against an abusive BD that tried to kill them and that mf STILL got joint custody. I am so glad that all of this has happened because now he knows that he has a lot to do before even considering trying to get any kind of parenting time.
I feel like a brand new person. I don’t even remember getting in my car afterwards. I felt like I was on cloud 9. It’s nice to know that he’s got a lot of time ahead of him to actually keep a fucking job, try to get his license reinstated and have his own place before he files again. He knows none of it will ever happen. His plan was to just live off everyone and then once that wasn’t really going to work anymore is when he thought he was going to fuck me over further by taking my child half of the time.
He’s pissed because now trying to control me with threats is no longer going to work. He’s pissed that he was hoping to still just pick up and drop his child whenever it’s convenient and now I know how I can be. This deal where he doesn’t ever plan to be consistent is also helpful. He was just at a bar Friday night and still turned around and told the judge he’s sober. That he was sober when he was in the transitional housing place but he left there over a month ago. Do I believe that he’s been stone cold sober for the past month? Fuck to the no. He was at the bar Friday night with no curfew.
It’s like he wants to be rewarded for all his poor choices. How the fuck do you knock someone up, abandon them and the child for the duration of their life and then turn around and scream Father’s rights?! Was her screaming for rights while he was out fucking half the town? Sleeping all day? Working under the table? Playing video games? Living for free, eating for free while I was struggling to keep food on the table or keep the lights from getting cut off? No.
I remember how I felt back in July last year when I had gotten another protection order on him for keeping her from me and it getting denied because the judge said that this was a custody matter. Uh no, it’s an abuse matter. He’s gotten to abuse me since BEFORE I was pregnant and doesn’t have to have any accountability whatsoever. So I hope today he knows what it feels like to go to court thinking you have ground to stand on and it gets pulled out from under you within 20 minutes.
I know the guy doesn’t think like we do or has any self reflection but I do hope that he reflects enough on all this and realizes that if he wants to be a Dad and have an equal say in her life that he’s going to have to put in work. Do I agree with Dad’s having to fight for their children? No but every situation is unique and I do believe that you need to be able to provide your child with transportation, clothing, food, and a safe place to sleep while you have them and if you can’t then you shouldn’t have them.
All I know is I’m able to breathe, my stomachache is gone and my headache is finally subsiding. I want us to get to a good place but with him still wanting to preserve his freedom while having his cake and eat it too, we never will.
I would like to start making content on Tik Tok and talk about my experiences with a deadbeat Dad and court. I never even presented my letter or evidence. My case is probably a bit different though. My BD has no stability at all and still thought he would be awarded 50/50 custody. Since he is such a piece of trash, things went in my favor. I remember the other day him telling me that he was quitting his job and I saw on the website that the wage withholding was gone, I jumped for joy. His job, where he’d been since like October was the ONLY STABLE THING he had going for him and he CHOSE to throw it away about 2 weeks before he was to try and get custody. Stupid.
Anyways, I need to get laundry put away and spend time with the fam. More later.
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