It’s been a rough few days. I have a killer headache and stomachache that just won’t quit. I can’t focus at all, I’m sunburnt and just overall peaked at anxiety. I have ADHD but lately it’s like my brain is at 100mph and I am just exhausted at the end of the day. Work has been slow today and yesterday. I have zero money and I’m concerned. I know that I don’t have to make a car payment until July 30th but I just pay every week anyways. I may not be able to pay it this week. My electric bill is $121 and I don’t know what I’m going to do about paying my car insurance or cell phone bill. I also have internet bill coming up as well.
I am just tired. My soul is tired. I did have a good day with my boyfriend today. He put up my curtains in the livingroom. I went to my appointment. My lady over there read through my letter and said it was good but she moved stuff around so it had a better flow. I also printed out my pictures of his go fund me bullshit. Just the latest 2, not all of them. I’m being told I’ll have very limited time to talk and show my evidence so I’m trying to bring what I feel is going to make the best impact. I also printed out the arrears. He owes about $12K. I know that CS and custody are 2 different things but shouldn’t he be questioned on how he lived without paying it for 2 and a half years? How did he even support himself? He still had to eat and have somewhere to sleep.
She told me that I am able to ask for a drug/alcohol and psych evaluation. I can also ask for him to have supervised visits, at least until he gets his own place. I know that will never happen. I also know that if visits are to be supervised, he’s not going to pay for that.
The other issue is he may not even show up to court. He’s been messaging asking if we can meet up before court and I think it’s because he wants to piss off my boyfriend and get me to drive him there. I even asked him over the weekend to think about what kind of arrangement he wants and to let me know and again, that gets nowhere. He just constantly talks about how I’ve kept her from him for 8 years. He doesn’t talk into account as to why I just gave up. When every conversation is just him lying, making excuses, calling me names and threatening me, yeah I’m probably going to just cut contact to save my fucking sanity!
He definitely has a victim personality. I know that is all the judge is going to hear about. My boyfriend has informed me that he will be taking me. I know that will just enrage him which could be a good thing because all he’s going to do is talk shit about BOTH of us to the judge. I highly doubt he’s going to say anything about his child, the reason why we are there. I just hope the judge sees that this is about his revenge and how he’s all for himself.
I don’t feel as worried anymore. The lady I met with said that she doesn’t think I have anything to worry about and that living arrangements aren’t going to change. I’m just tired of how much I’ve tried to make this work and all he talks about is me keeping her from him. He doesn’t think about how many times I’ve given him rides, fed him, put up with his abuse, or how many times he’s weaponized his own child to hurt me. There’s nothing in the world that’s going to make this person realize that he’s done anything wrong.
The stress of worrying about court is taking its toll. I don’t even feel happy. I am so fucking worried about everything. I know that nothing with him is ever going to change and I just want to move on. He’s just doing this to try and better his own situation, to have access to me and because I have a boyfriend.
Loading comments...