The shows to end the run were lovely! The alumni show on Saturday was bloody hot but we still had a huge audience and it went very well. BECAUSE of record heats, though, we moved the final show back to the indoor space. It was… less attended.... or should I say more sparsely attended; but it was great. I really enjoyed this show and I am very sad to hang it up. I mean… my body will be happy for it, I know that much… but I really do love the people I work with on stage. And I had a solid conversation with Beatrice about the new play… I’ll still weigh it all out in my head and make a decision, likely through a debate with myself as written in these pages but.... we’ll see. It really would be a damned shame if Shakespeare was the only show I did this year but considering the play and the role? That might make up for it. Only One this year but that one was Benedick in Much Ado About Nothing? Yeah, I can make that trade!!
Afterwards, we had a quick strike party, then I went home to absolutely decompress. Didn’t decompress enough and will have to do something to get my body to relax but… it’s even more appropriate that I have most of this week off of work. Now, I’m not much of a fisherman honestly but any reason to not be at work and not dive right back into freaking out and worrying and dealing with fucking psychotic assholes!!
But… apparently, life can never just… not have psychotic assholes apparently. Last night, I played on my Playstation… then went to bed. But when I woke up? I had a new message in Instagram. SEVERAL new messages… from someone I’ve never talked to, spoken with, tagged. Total stranger to me. Instagram even had the “Do you accept messages from” thing that indicates total stranger. But the messages? These are copied directly from Instagram:
Listen to me you fucking scamming ass cripple I’m about to light your cripple ass up on twitter
Posting pics of your faggot ass doing a theater play in a fucking wheel chair I am coming for you bitch go ahead deactivate
Do you really fucking think anybody is going to want to send to a fucking cripple
Roll your fat ugly fucking ass out the door
Your ass is done do you fucking hear me bitch
I’m calling everyone at your law office to tell them all about your twitter profile
I will be them
You better deactivate that fucking shit now while you still can you fuck ugly piece of fucking shit
So… I… closed out my twitter page last year. To my knowledge- I do not have a Twitter page still in existence. I have no idea who this person is (their Instagram tag is instatonymaloney connected to a Tony Maloney). I’ve never heard that name. But considering what was in the messages?? I played Dr. Scott in Rocky Horror so… there are pictures of me in the world of “doing a theater play in a… wheel chair.” And I am an attorney, though do not have a firm. So… whoever this is knows at least something about me.
So, of course, while I’m dealing with that… I go into work and right away, e-mail from the King Asshole SovCit. Which again dictates that if I do not comply with his demands before his deadline, the case will be dismissed and I will be required to issue a written apology and pay.... blah blah blah. SAY WHATEVER YOU WANT, IF IT IS NOT VIA COURT DOCUMENTS (AT THIS POINT) IT IS NOT LEGALLY ENFORCABLE- so get fucked!
But.... yeah. This.... this is my reality, this is my existence. At Home randomly.... threatening text messages. At Work… threatening e-mails. AND HONESTLY- I’m not even getting laid. lol. I know that sounds like a random non-sequitur but.... when Chuckers was threatening me… at least I was developing some kind of emotional/sexual relationship. Now? I’m… I can’t even get a chat going on a Dating App and am getting more threats and from more places! Honestly… I do have to scream into the abyss on this a little. I’ve done things… more or less “the right way”… I treat people with respect, care, consideration.... I do my job which is a service to the public (even if they don’t see it that way)… I am active in the political sphere trying to secure people’s rights and make a better world for people… and my reward is......... this life? I mean… being a Community Theater Actor is great and the show was lovely.... but seriously? Threats and attacks and the vicarious trauma and all of that and.... to not have friends to rely upon or a partner to soothe away the bullshit or even a lover to booty call for a distraction..... I know this is a shitty argument and a crappy outlook but… I’m just… running on a deficit. The energy I put out there, the.... me… I put out there.... is it any wonder why I can sound bitter or frustrated or angry here? For everything I try to put out into the world… the only positive IRL reinforcement I get is after a show. For everything else, there’s the loneliness and the attacks and the stress and the hate.
Now I have to wonder… will I leave for this trip and come back to.... a world on fire and my e-mails and messages even more filled with threats and hatred? Is that… all I have to look forward to in this existence?
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