It has taken a concerted effort to not have this coming week ruin this past weekend. On Friday I put in a leave day for Monday (today) because I just really did not want to go to work. And M was already taking it off. He’s also off this Friday, but I can’t do that two days after starting a new job. We do have 5 days off around Canada Day, so that’ll be nice.
But all through the weekend I would remember I’m changing jobs and I’d feel anxious and sick and dangerously close to a panic attack. So I hope that’s not in my future. Even when we were trying to bang my brain was like, “hey remember this shitty thing that’s coming up. Think about that instead”. No thank you, jerk.
But it wasn’t a bad weekend. Which is saying a lot because I had a meltdown on Saturday afternoon over Red seemingly not giving a shit if I was going to the beach or not. I wandered the beach for almost 30 minutes looking for her, never found her, so I left. I ran into Mandy on the way back to my car, immediately started crying, and she sat and chatted with me. I heard nothing from Red all weekend, until this evening the group texts me inviting me to her birthday. Meanwhile Mandy texted to check in to see if I was feeling better AND she texted to check in because there was also a wildfire in our area (about 30km away).
I texted with Bastet while I worked on the greenhouse, I’m one trench away from starting to build the structure onto the posts.
Today I texted a woman from work, we used to work together a few years ago, and she’s been working at the unit I’ll be working for, so I texted her and we chatted about things. It was very reassuring to hear her perspective.
I’m finally starting to feel better about… well everything. I did a tarot reading and the card was the three of vessels, which is about joy, welcoming new life, and not allowing fear to rob you of joy. That felt… pointed. I’ve been trying to get my brain on board, and that card helped keep some perspective.
And I know as soon as I have an established routine for getting to work that will alleviate a bunch more worry.
I even got out on my bike today.
Tomorrow is my last day at my gym, which makes me unbelievably sad (who knew I’d ever say such a thing). I wrote a card for the staff because I think they should know how much I appreciate their expertise and welcoming demeanour. Its super awkward to give it to them, but it also feels super awkward to go somewhere for the last 2 years and then suddenly never come back.
It’s late, as usual, I should get to bed.
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