I haven’t been at my new job for a month yet. I’ve spent the last 3 weeks training online and I was just about to start doing shit for real when my supervisor pulled me into her office.
They’re sending me across the harbour.
I mean, at least they’re not sending me away, but there’s no fucking parking so my commute has just gone from 30 minutes in good traffic to an hour or more including bussing and walking.
Honestly the only part of this that I’m really railing against is the commute. I’d better be able to start my day ass-early so I get home at a decent time and not like 5pm. These 330 days have been killing me because it puts me into rush hour and it seems when I stop for groceries so is every other person in my city.
The job itself will probably be pretty good (I am being pointedly optimistic here). It actually requires me to do the job I trained for 3+ years ago. It will get me more in line with what my course mates have been up to for the last few years. Maybe I won’t feel so out to sea once I get the hang of this job.
The dude in charge is someone I’ve met and who has a good reputation, so that’s nice. Hopefully.
I have spent all afternoon and evening on the verge of tears, mild panic rising in my throat. I was prepared for the change of going to my new unit. Trying to adjust to this new plan feels like my brain trying to drive the wrong way through traffic.
This afternoon as I was walking to meet M for lunch I thought how our lunches together make work bearable. I said as much when I got in his truck, and he agreed. Not half an hour after I get back from lunch and now there will be no more lunches. What the fuck am I supposed to do to make work bearable now? It’s not like I have a great track record for making friends at work. There’s two guys I worked with, Kyle and Scott (they don’t get code names), oh and Old Boss, so three guys I worked with that I actually will miss. I dunno, maybe that’s a good number. Maybe I’m overthinking it. But I feel so out of place at work, and these people talked to me like I mattered, and I care(d?) about their lives, too.
Who knows. Maybe I’ll find another work wife… One of the craft night ladies works on the same floor. Maybe this new commute will give me time to do something unexpected, like get back into audiobooks, or write in a journal, or something I can’t think of yet.
I’m really trying to find the bright side to all of this. This position is a three year term, and that brings me to the end of my contract. I’m still seriously considering leaving at that point. Though with this supposed 20% pay raise that might be enough to change hearts and minds.
Anyway it’s late and I’ve definitely overthought this enough. Now it’s time to lay in bed and think about it some more.
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