A lot of what I do depends on image whether I want to admit it or not. I took control of it 7 years ago and almost let it get away from me again. I keep having to remind myself that I am definitely an emotional eater. However, it’s not necessarily when I’m on an emotional low. It’s probably the same as anyone else but I don’t pay attention enough recognize it.
When I feel very good I have a tendency to overeat or eat things I shouldn’t. I’m still that kid that was rewarded at the store for controlling my urges to run around, make jokes and we’ll, be a kid. Hmmmm - come to think of it - act invisible.
If I became invisible long enough I’d be rewarded with candy. I’m just now at this very moment as I write - realizing this. I had a totally different direction I was going - but this reality is 🤯!
Even to this day, I am not the type to make myself known to my family. I don’t text or call my mom everyday. I certainly don’t call because she never answers anyway - just sends me a text that she’s with a friend or on the phone. She’d call back if I said - Just wanted to say I love you… The phone would ring and I’d say hello -She would say, “what’s wrong?” It’s out character for me because, as I’m just now realizing, I’m well and good if I’m invisible.
So, when I’m happy I eat what reciprocates how I feel. I reward myself with a trip to a nice restaurant. I grab a snack and enjoy my favorite show. The weight doesn’t just come out of nowhere - I am happily gaining because I’m being good.
Then, when reality sets in and I can’t turn the tide I emotionally withdraw and eat things that create a false sense of reward. I grab that candy because I want to feel what it felt like at the store when I was invisible.
Last week I met with a nutrition coach - not to fix my image - but my health. I asked my Dr to just give me the shots to melt the extra 20lbs I had gained. He wouldn’t do it - thank God! He said he wasn’t going to pump chemicals in to me because he wanted to see if this coach couldn’t help me realize what and why I was having this issue. Well, between writing and interacting with all of you (as invisible as I can be) and my coach - I am realizing there’s a part of me I didn’t know until today. I realize it’s going to be a slow journey and one that will reward me for not being invisible.
- metaphorically that is ....don’t get your hopes up that there’ll be any pictures posted. I don’t plan on doxxing myself here any time soon.
Loading comments...