[Drama: A Tom Production]
Week one of my candida cleanse: Complete. It was awful. It will be awful again this week. It will be awful for the rest of my life at this rate. I’m at a breaking point, and we are only getting started.
There is a series of unfortunate events going on inside my gut. My gut lining is wrecked, my acid levels are low, and then there is candida. Probably parasites like the rest of us. It was the brain fog that triggered me to do this. I can’t live like this. Feeling hungover after every meal. I decided to act. I knew my diet was going to be so restrictive that it would hurt. I tear up, often, I didn’t know it was going to be this frustrating. No onions or tomatoes in my diet right now, for starters. There is no flavour. Food is not satiating. Only for me to end up with bloating and brain fog. Then the mood swings. So ChatGPT wants me to restrict myself even more. The gut lining is the problem. It can’t support this cleanse or anything I want to do, basically. It is the battlefield. Stress management is non-negotiable. It says.
This whole idea of stress management just irks me. Every solution is like woo-woo to me. I already do most of them. I journal, I exercise, I eat right, and I see a therapist. I’m still strung out. Stress will now stress me out. Stress is a stressor. I’ve lived like this my whole life. I didn’t ask for it.
Micro managing every single bite? And for what? I’m miserable. Absolutely miserable. This journey is the unfinished business I started this time last year with that naturopath. He didn’t tell me why he was doing what he was doing.
This 6-week candida cleanse is going to be a 6-month journey because everything irritates my gut lining. This feeds the candida. This is why I can’t have nightshades or onions. Still can’t have grains because they will feed the candida. I’m eating mush. Flavourless mush. All for nothing so far. I feel like I am being backed into a corner where I will be forced to eat something that has been dead for months and it’s squirts.
That viral White Lotus scene with Parker Posey is the vibe: I just don’t think that, at this age, I’m meant to live an uncomfortable life. I don’t have the will.
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