(5/27) 8:51 p.m. -
Well, holy shit! I stayed home from work, did laundry, looked at my script a little, then went to rehearsal. NOW… I still have the most lines by far so people aren’t super disappointed that I am still calling for Line (especially since almost everyone else is doing it, too) but I would, of course, like to have my lines memorized. That said? Today… I barely had enough to put into my acting and my face was mostly covered so… not being too hard on myself. But… that was… almost 3 hours of standing and acting and… fuck am I exhausted! If I had gone to work today, I would not have been able to go to rehearsal tonight… which, all things considered? I think I made the right choice today. Dealing with almost 200 hearings that don’t actually matter to the people that attend? Versus going to rehearsal and being an integral part of a necessary rehearsal? Yeah, I do think I made the right choice. Even though I am absolutely BEAT right now! So, early to bed tonight. But I am also facing a required early to rise like… before the Courthouse even opens so that I can try to catch up on the many days of work I’ll need to catch up on! Because while I only really just missed today? Too damned many attorneys work over the weekend (because billable hours are the way to earn money) so that means I’ll need to catch up now on FOUR days of work!!!
(5/28) 7:59 a.m.-
I didn’t get in as early as intended. But that is largely due to a new “fun” and that fun is sarcastic with emphasis. Apparently, 3 days of sweating out a fever followed by an exhausting rehearsal has led to a Gout Flare Up. So, my right foot is killing me and I can’t bend my toes. But my blood work earlier said my Uric Acid Levels weren’t an issue so… I’m back to just wondering if my liver or kidneys are fucking shutting down. But even that is not why I came to update. Upon sitting at my computer? I walk in to over 250 new e-mails to catch up on! I have a meeting today at 9:30, thirty seven hearings this afternoon, and the rest of the week to prep (not to mention the items from earlier this week I still need to address!). So… today is going to be difficult, made worse by the extreme foot pain. Ah, gotta love the hold over principle of Government in a GOP Super Majority State: Government employees are leeches who drain the taxpayer of funds and provide no useful services; but they are necessary evils, so we have to hire as few as possible while making them do as much as possible!
(5/28) 9:14 a.m.-
I’ll grant you this is much better than my last jurisdiction; but remains a point of contention for me. I have had two people this morning, regardless of how backed up and busy I am trying to catch up, who showed up at the office demanding to see me. I, of course, told them NO, I haven’t the time nor availability to see you. Thank you, good day. But the facts of both incidents highlight how I find these “pop ins” frustrating.
POP IN 1: The woman has a hearing this afternoon at 1:30. So, she is currently scheduled to speak with me this afternoon. That’s what that is. She is on the schedule to have a chat with me regarding her case, and that chat is scheduled for 1:30. She shows up at 9 demanding to see me because she has a hearing at 1:30. No. No no no. You don’t get two bites at this apple especially when I have so much catching up to do! I will see you at 1:30. And if you cannot make that hearing, I am not the person with whom you need to speak. You need to request a continuance from the judge. Shoo!
POP IN 2: The woman had literally just left the courtroom. Genuinely, just moments before had been in front of a judge when she was charged with the truancy of her children. Literally left that courtroom, got on the elevator, and came directly to my office. First: NO. If a judge cannot or will not help you; you’re fucked. It isn’t my job to help you get around the law or the rules of Criminal Procedure. It is my job to hold you accountable for when you break the law. That’s… the extent of my responsibilities. Second: NO. You were just in front of a judge. If you pled Not Guilty, you were given a Court Date at which point we will discuss your case. We will discuss your case AT THAT COURT DATE. Not… immediately because you’re feeling in your emotions about shit. Go away!
(5/28) 9:48 a.m.-
Just as far as a health diary, I felt I needed to input… for the last ten minutes, I have been short of breath, dizzy, and had trouble focusing. I am now wondering if I have/had COVID and the reason it has spread so thoroughly through the Courthouse is that… maybe it has been COVID this whole time and we’ve all just thought it a summer cold? I mean… bonus points to the homeostasis effect of vaccines strengthening our immune systems enough to make COVID less lethal but… I should probably grab a test at the pharmacy to be sure. IF I even can leave for lunch to do that.
(5/28) 10:04 a.m.-
In reviewing cases for this afternoon, I am running into a very unpleasant recurring theme. The City Cops in the biggest, most crime-ridden city in my jurisdiction are shitting the bed. What I mean is… I’m reading reports of serious shit… kidnapping, forced prevention of escape, stand offs, violent assaults, driving while excessively high to the point of admitting the cocaine… but I keep seeing these people charged with Simple Misdemeanors and nothing more! Like… “Assault Team dispatched to house on receiving video of Defendant beating two women and refusing to allow them to leave. Upon contact, Defendant slammed door and actively prevented contact with victims. Swung arms at arresting officers, resisting arrest.” All he’s charged with is Interference. You have video of an assault and of a wrongful detention against TWO victims… the fuck you mean he’s only charged with Interference?!?!
(5/28) 10:13 a.m.-
Of course, I have had 9 phone calls this morning, almost all of which I’ve said Please just send them to voice mail! Fuck. And I understand it. I really do. We have the magistrate on the bench today that is the newest and NEW Magistrates always have this “Oh, just call them” mindset that I don’t understand. Most of the other Magistrates don’t just tell Defendants to call me with their bloody complaints and arguments for why their exception is exceptional… but that speaks directly to Amount of Experience generally and not just specifically as to a Magistrate. Y’see, if you’ve been in this business long enough? You know that everyone thinks that their exception is exceptional… and if everyone thinks that their exception is exceptional? Then nobody’s is. And nobody’s can be. Because it doesn’t take long to realize that the guy that says, “But I had a reason for going that fast!” is counting “Because I wanted to !” as a reason. And you don’t have to listen to too many “Uh, the cops SUCK and I hate them so this case should be dismissed!” before you start to build that callous that says, “You’re not legally competent enough to articulate a valid legal exception. In short, as far as the law is concerned, for most of you your exception is not exceptional!”
Though as I’ve been juggling those calls and trying to finish my prep work for this afternoon so that I can eventually address the ever climbing e-mails and phone messages back log? My mind starts churning. What if I go to the pharmacy, take a COVID test, and it comes out positive for COVID? That means I’m an asshole who exposed my fellow actors last night and my co-workers today!! That’s… cruel and bullshit. But all the same, if I don’t discover that, I’m still being an asshole just an ignorant one. Which… feels pretty on point for my job. How many people do I see in this job who… probably aren’t exactly assholes all the time… but were assholes in this limited perspective.... and their ignorance, to them, provides them some form of cover? It… kind of doesn’t. Being an asshole and choosing not to be informed are separate and distinct. And choosing not to be informed is an active choice thus circling back around to… your ignorance is also asshole behavior. So… yeah. That’s where I am. I am still committed to trying to get out of here for lunch to grab a COVID test… keep my fingers crossed that I can find one and that it comes up negative!
(5/28) 10:37 a.m.-
I am cruising through e-mail catch up and hit one that sounds familiar. I think slightly and realize that this e-mails is one of the 9 calls I indicated should be directed towards my voice mail. But saying it that way doesn’t convey what I’m hoping to say. You see, this is a Speeding Ticket… person e-mailed me at close of business on Tuesday, then phoned at start of business this morning because they want me TO KNOW BEYOND ANY QUESTION that if I don’t dismiss their speeding ticket, they are going to demand a jury trial!!! So… you have shown that you have absolutely zero patience and an utter lack of understanding for how time works and you think that goes in any way towards making me think you don’t have a speeding issue? First and foremost, I operate under the belief that there is less than 1% of the population that does not speed to begin with. So you’re already working against a HIGH probability there. But your repeated insistence to make sure that your perceived threat was responded to immediately?? Boy, you are fucking up royal.
(5/28) 2:39-
Well, shit. So… I went to the Pharmacy and picked up a rapid covid test. Came home. It’s… different. It’s on Off Brand Walgreens Proprietary COVID Test. I did the nose swab, swab tip just covered in blood because of course- it is me. And what always makes that worse is.... the Confirmation is “does the line next to the blue line turn red or pink? then it’s positive!” Uhm… you mean… does the stick… that was placed in now thick bloody liquid have red or pink on it? Of course it does. Do I feel like I can really use that to reasonably not return to work? No. SHIT. SO… I raced to urgent care. They said my symptoms don’t sound like anything serious, but they would do a COVID test and I would know the results around 4:00. SHIT. I need to be back in court in fifteen minutes and “I’m waiting for a COVID test” isn’t exactly a good reason to NOT have court or to suddenly need Emergency Coverage in a Courthouse that already does not have adequate coverage, let alone Emergency Coverage. Fuck! Mask up, keep distance, race to court. Parked in the Court Lot (I’m going to get a ticket but FUCK if I was going to park 4 blocks away when I was needed in Court and feeling like shit!) And raced into the courtroom. Of course… of course because it’s my fucking luck in this place.... I had 6 cases demand trial… and while I was doing that, I got 4 e-mails from people who were demanding that I tell them (1) What Court is; (2) How Court works; (3) Whether I was representing them or not; and (4) When is a good time to show me how they are a Freeman not bound by the illegal requirements of “Licensure” for a dictatorial illegal government. SO… life as fucking usual. Then it ends with a woman that… generally, I feel bad for. And honestly, I would write her story as a fictional novel or film if I thought I could get away with it. But she is convinced… convinced… that her ex-husband is using Computers, Cell Phones, and Google to biohack people. Even claims he’s killed people using the method. According to her, he has certain Google Patents and uses Open Source Coding to hack into a person’s electronic device to cause that device to send an electrical signal that interrupts brain waves. This can do everything from induce insomnia to cause a heart attack or a stroke! It can cause memory loss, indigestion, mood and behavior disorders.... anything the brain uses electricity to do… can be hacked by these nefarious programs! Seriously… it’s… on that SciFi edge. It sounds both plausible and completely full of shit. It’s one of those “Did the CIA cause an Earthquake in Myanmar?” style questions. At first blush, it sounds ridiculous. Then you think about it and… it could have happened. But then you think some more and… of course it didn’t. Right? But she was passionately convinced! Meanwhile, after a straight 90 minutes of dealing with humans ranging from respectful to batshit, I’m truly and thoroughly exhausted!
Though… interesting bit of news.... in April, the doctors weighed me at 268. Between the crash dieting and the no alcohol and no soda, today that same Doctor’s office weighed me at 248. So… I dropped twenty pounds. I’m going to… well… I’m going to go easy on myself while I’m sick. I need food that I don’t have to cook, that I can eat easily, and will keep if I pass out. But when I’m feeling better, full steam ahead on the diet! AND, though I highly doubt I will achieve this… THIS IS MY SOLEMN VOW: If I find myself in the 220s again? Before the show is over? I will permanently abandon all alcohol forever! If I can get back to the weight I was when my ex-wife first said I was too fat for physical affection.... I will abandon alcohol forevermore!
Though… that reminds me of something truly terrible I’ve run into this week. I now more men over 30 that have been divorced and have never had a serious relationship since than women in a similar situation facing similar realities. Iowa’s Female Population is exactly 49.9% of the 3,241,488… or the M to F ratio (including all ages, sexual preferences, and marital statuses) is roughly 1,623,985 to 1,617,503… which means that, and we know this isn’t the way… if every woman was with every man, there would still be 6,482 men without partners. SO… that tracks for this state and with what I’m seeing. But those same statistics share something… much worse and more horrifying. So, the men I know tend to be educated… because of course they are. BUT in the State of Iowa? ALL genders and sexual preferences and marital statuses combined? Only 30.9% of the population has a Bachelor’s Degree or higher! That’s… only around 1,001,620 people! Now true… recent statistics indicate women are more highly educated then men… but anecdotally, it seems that such information would lead to why the M/F numbers are skewed in Iowa as educated women likely leave the state! BUT using fake/fabricated statistical models.... IF 30.9% are educated, and we retain the same M/F split- that means Iowa has 501,812 college educated or more Men and 499,808 college educated or more Women. And again, knowing it isn’t the case, but if every woman paired off with a man… that would leave 2,004 college educated or more Men without partners. I’m finding justification for life situations in statistics… I must still be feeling ill if I’m doing that!
(5/28) 3:57 p.m.-
I am going to head out pretty soon. I stayed longer than I expected I would but that is because I anticipated hearing about my test results by now. Instead, I was given confirmation on when they would be fixing the fence (Monday). And that reminded me to check my Rehearsal Schedule which shows that tonight is the last scheduled rehearsal until June. Which means… even if I am exhausted, I need to go tonight as we won’t have another rehearsal for a few days. SO.... the areas of the script that most require my attention can get that attention over the next four days!! ALSO I wound up confirming that I don’t have the Conference this year so that “buys back” 4 full rehearsals for me! SO… while I am absolutely not okay with the lines I’m missing… I’m still in a much better spot for being Performance Ready than I have been in a while. If I can get the illness kicked and the lines internalized? Then I feel like I might actually be able to bring this role the energy, time, and passion that it so richly deserves. Which… pathetically bringing me to tears… I may never be a father, I might not ever have the relationship I dream of.... but playing Benedick at all and in such a fashion as to take pride in it? THAT would be a worthy dream to have achieved. THAT would be a small child’s fondest wish made real. I used to dream of the children I may never have. I used to dream of the relationship that might never come. And I used to dream of the great acting in my future. I suppose this makes a certain sense. I dreamt of acting before I dreamt of the others. It is only fitting that I achieve this milestone first.
(5/28) 8:46 p.m.-
So… I checked the online portal for a solid 2 hours… and the test results never came. SO… I decided to do Rehearsal as COVID Precautions. Social Distancing and Masking even though we’re rehearsing outside. There were… a lot less of us there today because one of the High Schools is graduating tonight. But we did what we could. And… ooof! It was exhausting!! I didn’t fuck up as much as I felt like I did because I just… I started rehearsal with nothing in the tank. And with so many people gone? There isn’t that “Rehearse as if this was The Show” feeling. But we got through it. Literally as we were scrambling for the final scene, my chest starts to vibrate. So as the scene ends, I check my phone… message just says “Call us back.” K, I suppose that makes sense if we’re living in a world that pretends HIPAA still matters (which… considering a LOT of what DOGE and the White House are doing… HIPAA is yet another of those RULES FOR THEE NOT FOR ME areas). But I checked the Online Portal and… COVID Negative! GOOD! That’s a relief. Now… I have to hit the hay early as I have a VERY long day of court tomorrow! I have two trials and a Jury Trial Hearing and have to spend the whole day doing more and more catch up! BUT… no rehearsals until Monday. Which means… I have more time for work, more time for Home Work, more time for Dog Exercise, but also… more time to try to get every bloody Shakespearean word into my damned head. SO… I have more time but… still a lot to do!
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