The coordinator can coordinate that one.
Are we good? Or am I reading too much into that comment? My coordinator asked me. He had a hurt look on his face. I felt like a monster. I owned up to it, so he didn’t feel like he was crazy. We left it at me being in a bad mood. He will internalize it. He probably lost sleep last night.
I just turned down a promotion and chose the team. This raised my expectations. You better make this worth it! Is the vibe. I have been disappointed in him for the last couple of weeks. Especially after Amber, a mentor in a different program, made me feel seen. Your program was nothing, and then you came along, and it just blew up. She sees him leaving me with everything because he knows I will just do it. I’m over-functioning. Prior to that moment, I was trying to coordinate my program for last night. I wasn’t having much luck. He changed his shift to avoid the kids, which just bothers me. Then he left me to my own devices, as always. That isn’t right. If I don’t even try to coordinate this, he will leave it for the last second. Leave what for the last second? He won’t arrange for any of our participants to come to our program. He will give the families an hour’s notice. There have been a couple of times when we didn’t have any participants to come, so we had to cancel.
It is his job to coordinate that. Amber would have told me. That is all I was thinking while I was struggling to pull a program together. He wasn’t even in the office at that time to support me. I didn’t have the contact information for the new kids. He took my documents and lost them. He asked about our program for today, about who was coming, and that is when I said the coordinator can coordinate that one.
I got our newest kid in for the evening. He isn’t quite ready for one-on-ones with us mentors, so the part-timer, Diego, and I took him out. The part-timer is his sister’s boyfriend. He is deeply unreliable. I’m sick of watching my coordinator bend over backwards to cover for him. To protect him from consequences. I had a Freudian slip the other day about him. Someone asked me if I liked Dragonball Z, and my response was I used to! But then I got frustrated with Diego always being late… I mean Goku! said that right in front of him. He wasn’t present. I was frustrated with him last night. We took the kid out and, as always, he wasn’t present. He was on his phone the whole time. Get with the program, buddy! We are here to show up for these kids and be present! That is the bare minimum. They both skipped the workshop on Trauma Support Training. There was an important piece in there that I need them to understand. It is just about being present.
I’m a little extra irritable. I quit sugars, seed oils, and reduced carbs down to almost zero. I’m dreaming about myself throwing tantrums. My roommate? I have to be very careful here. She is in a danger zone so I am making nice. I don’t trust how I feel about her right now. Currently, she is the axis of all evil because she is avoiding washing on pot that has been soaking for 3 business days.
Anyway, I’m running late this morning. Things aren’t that bad. I will talk to my team today, though.
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