I finally made it to a community walk. They do them on Sundays now, and I don’t have to bank time, so I can leave in the middle of my shift to go on a Tuesday or Thursday. In case we don’t know, I volunteer at a shelter and join them on walks to feed the houseless. I didn’t have a familiar face to ground me, but I went anyway. I wasn’t so nervous this time around, but I was paranoid about my car, however. It didn’t help that the workers were talking about some of their staff being robbed at knife point at the shelter. I drive a Charger, and I hate that I have to park it on the street behind the shelter. Though my crush wasn’t there, I got to know everybody else.
It was a lively bunch who went on the walk. A diverse bunch who all made fun of each other. The way we all did it when I was growing up. Two of the young guys were very affectionate. They grabbed each other around the waist and hugged a lot. They weren’t gay, just bros. What is this generation?
Kookum Gale was brought up again. Then we ran into her. The group ran up to her, I should say. She’s a big deal in the indigenous community. She is a trans woman who serves the community. That was the role of two-spirited individuals. I don’t really know her story, but I know it is a big one. I feel like the cosmos is pushing us closer together. Like, I have something to learn from her.
The walk was the only highlight of my day. It wasn’t exactly a leisurely walk. I wasn’t so tense this time. I just lay in bed, in the buff, and watched The Time Traveller’s Wife. Then went to sleep at 8:30.
Yesterday, I woke up bothered, as always. Clearly, as per my previous entry. My mood got worse before I got numbed out to it. I just need space. Today, my roommate leaves for work, and I can breathe. I am fasting today. Trying to jumpstart my candida protocol. My bestie’s husband is being super supportive. He better be, he is the one who convinced me. He gets fixated on things. He is what people would call a biohacker. He also has a Scoprio Mars. My coordinator is the same way, also with a Scorpio Mars like myself. I wonder if that is the connection. I would be put in that category also. We’re trying to be in control of our health. All three of us were triggered by a Cancer scare. Well, my bestie’s husband had a brain tumor removed. He pieced it together that the 16 vaccines he was given in the military caused it, and so the government gave him 250k to shut him up. His pineal gland was removed. I’m linking up with him soon enough. He has some homemade stuff he wants me to try on this candida journey.
All of my insecurities hit me at once yesterday morning. I made myself look cute and took my grandmother shopping. Then I just stayed in bed until I remembered about the community walk. Today, all I have is my first Somatic Trauma Healing session. It’s very white people shit. Painfully so. If that elder hadn’t opened my mind to it last month, I wouldn’t have bothered to sign up for it. It is my Chiro who is guiding me through it. She does it on her property. I have the address. It’s in one of the towns just outside the city. She insists that we do it at her property so we can integrate into nature afterward. It is going to be a beautiful day. I am bringing my big blanket and lying in the sun after. Provincial parks are free this summer, I would just hop next door to it from her place and go for a hike if I weren’t fasting.
I see my dietitian this evening as well. She will structure me for the candida protocol. I was already grieving the loss of routine yesterday. That was my underlying problem. I was going to go to the gym yesterday, but then I remembered that I won’t be having a recovery meal today. I’m fasting. I won’t be going to the gym for 5-6 weeks during this super restrictive diet. I’ll just make the best out of my kettlebells at home. I am going to lose weight. I am going to lose strength. If this candida thing works out, I’ll be able to gain it back better than ever. This fungus won’t be eating all my zinc and iron, for starters. I’m basically keto during this. I’m going to have to make sure I am eating enough fat. I’ll eat coconut oil out of the jar if I have to.
I woke up with wanderlust. I don’t need to go far. There is a harbor town just an hour north that I want to go to. Maybe I need a surrogate boyfriend so I can go do things with. Though it is my niece and nephew I want to take. I also wanted to plan a trip to BC this summer to visit my brother and my nephews. However, my brother is drinking again. I’ll reach out soon enough. I’ve got enough on my plate. Though not literally lol. I’ll make sure I hit him up this week. I’ll book my vacation and buy the plane tickets. I’m thinking the end of August. I’ve never been to BC. People say I will want to move there. I’ve overthought this already. I hate cloudy and rainy weather. Something about the ocean and the mountains makes me think I will feel caged. I’m a prairie boy, through and through.
Last month, I went to a trauma support workshop for work. The elder explained something that was haunting me. When the body is flooded with stress hormones, there is no room for dopamine. Challenge accepted. I quit coffee. His solution was our traditional practices. Somatic healing, basically. Ancient wisdom is nice and all, but we have modern problems. My epiphany was that we have metabolic issues, not just mindset issues. This is what made me quit coffee. Now I am targeting candida. The trauma is in the tissues. Is the final piece. That is why I am doing the somatic work. We will see if my calculations are correct. This time next year, I should be happy and healthy.
I can’t stomach this new age medical religion. Health is our salvation. Our life journey is about healing… fuck that shit. Just do what is natural to your body; that is the only assignment. We gone fucked it up and now we are chasing health like it is the meaning of life.
Anyway, my roommate should be fucking off any minute now. On with my day.
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