Alright so a lot has happened since I’ve wrote last. I made decent money last week and over the weekend. Today however I made hardly anything and I’m still short on my car note. I did the refer a friend to my boyfriend’s bank and we’ll each get $50 but not for 30 days. I didn’t know that and I still have to tell him. I have called the courthouse and I’m able to write a letter and bring it to them before court.
Google is an excellent resource on example letters for probably anything but I’ve found a couple of letters and I’m currently writing one. I know that I will revise it a hundred times but I want to get it done and add all my evidence to turn in, probably in about 2 weeks so the judge has time to go over it before the hearing.
He has since posted another deal needing food. Most of the screenshots that I have are the same thing but put under a different name and since there’s no way to prove they are his, I’m just going to stick with the current one and whatever else I can find with his name on them. Again, it’s important to show safety and well-being concerns. I’m also concerned with him not having a car and either wandering around town with her or getting rides from stranger while she’s in his care.
I still marvel at how he thinks that 50/50 custody would be in her best interest. What does he want to do? Wander around town and she’s going hungry?! He’s done this shit before so I’m heavily concerned. I don’t think that it’s in her best interest whatsoever and it’s also a fucking joke that he never cared about her, her welfare, her life or helping in any kind of way until now. Well, present day she has a Father figure and he doesn’t like that she has someone she calls “Dad” and because he’s hoping to use her to get on housing, food stamps and possibly eliminate child support. I guarantee that if all that happened, I would still be the primary parent and he’s off the hook. My friend says that I wouldn’t be able to change any of this for a year.
I just have so many questions and I’m praying to get in touch with a lawyer so I have a better idea of what to expect. I’m also staying mindful of the fact that he no longer has a curfew and can be at the bar all night long. I think that a lot could happen in the next month and I may not have to be too concerned by the time we go to court. I think that he’s going to have a different outlook by the time we have the hearing and he’s going to realize that he doesn’t have the means to take care of her and he isn’t going to want to because overall? He’s selfish. Always has been and always will be.
All of this makes me really sad for my daughter because she deserves to have time with him but it’s so different than what we do at home. With us, she doesn’t have to worry about walking, not having enough food, or dealing with parental alienation.
I was thinking about all this when I was working this morning and I wish I could just call him and ask if we could just make an agreement with him getting reasonable visitation but that’s not going to work because if he thinks there’s a chance for him to get on welfare, eliminate CS and all of this will be to his benefit, there’s no changing that. I’ve asked him multiple times if we could agree on the uncontested custody arrangement and he’s said no. He wants 50/50 custody. He doesn’t want it but he does want it on paper for his own gain.
I still remember looking at him while we were sitting in the courtroom and I just felt enraged. I was so calm on the outside but inside, I was screaming and just wanting to walk over and rock his fucking jaw. He is only doing this because in order to have access to me, he needs access to our child. He’s sick of me blocking him and not having to tolerate his abuse so he’s thinking that as long as there’s a court order, he’ll be allowed to speak to me however he decides and I can’t block him. Well, this is why I decided we are going to only communicate through a parenting app so that I’m able to have this used in court.
Again, I understand that if he’s bothering me the cops probably can’t or won’t do anything but at least it’s on record. I can’t control everything but I’m going to focus on what control I can have and maintain. He hasn’t seen his child most of her life because I can’t handle the abuse. When I could feel it affecting my day, my mood, and my child wasn’t getting the best version of me, I would block him. That was the only way it would stop. I remember so many times BEGGING him to stop calling me names, stop threatening me and he wouldn’t so I would just cut off contact. I did what I had to for the sake of my mental health because my daughter only had me.
I don’t think too deep into what it’s been like being a single Mom because I refuse to dive back into that deep dark place but everyone left me to figure it out, by myself, ever single day. Everyone deserted not only me, but my daughter as well. My family was never going to like any guy I chose to date because once I had a boyfriend, that meant that I wasn’t going to be used, manipulated, or just be a doormat anymore. I get that they have their reasons now to dislike him but that’s their problem. I also have dealt with my Mom choosing my Dad over all of us my entire life and my brother choosing his girlfriend over everyone else as well.
All of them refuse to take any responsibility for how they’ve treated me my whole life or even how they’ve treated my daughter. They want to sit back and believe that it’s my boyfriend making the decision for me to not have contact and they need to understand I am responsible for my own choice. Just because my Mom and my older brother have let their partners make their decisions, doesn’t mean that I’m the same way. What I need is for them to acknowledge how they have been towards me and my daughter all along. My brother and his family always treated us like trash.
The thing is, they weren’t going to like any guy I chose to be with. I get that now they don’t like my boyfriend but they weren’t ever going to because me having someone means that I wasn’t going to be readily available and waiting by the phone when they needed something. My older brother has always used me, mainly for a babysitter or DD and a lot of nights, both. He’s never worried about me getting a night out to be care free. He thought in his head it was my job to be the DD forever, even though I’ve been the DD since I was 16 years old.
I still argue with my brother in my head over CS, my BD, and even that night that I chose to go with my boyfriend instead of being their DD. I remember that phone conversation and again, I never agreed to being their DD that night. He decided that’s what I was going to do and I didn’t and that’s the start of him not liking my boyfriend. Well, I spent YEARS being a Mom and watching everyone else getting to go out, drink, enjoy adult time and I didn’t!
Up until a year ago, I spent all my time working and being a Mom. I remember being so angry for YEARS that I never got to go do anything. My brother worked very hard to gaslight me into believing that there was something wrong with me because I wanted a break sometimes. I still remember him saying, “it’s like you don’t even want to be a Mom” and it’s like really? He’s had his youngest child who has always spent more time at school, after school program, daycares, with me or her grandparents more than she’s EVER been at home! He’s NEVER missed out on bar time or anything else.
I remember when I would call my brother sobbing because I didn’t have childcare so I could work. I would talk about how I owned 3 cars and worked all the fucking time to take care of all my bills and how I felt I was failing my child because I couldn’t provide for her the way she deserved and he would still find ways to defend BD! It’s absolutely mind blowing! I know that he’s given BD a lot of shit but I don’t feel that he ever had my back like he should have had. Probably because it wasn’t him. He never cared the way a brother should have. Even my boyfriend has talked about how my brother should have been in my corner and he wasn’t. Nah, he loved to sit and here about what I was going through and still find a way to make me feel like a piece of shit. Not even an ounce of compassion.
It’s best that I have no contact with any of them. They don’t care about my daughter or myself but do care about hearing the tea. None of them have ever been supportive at all. They want you to call with your drama so they can sit around and talk about it. I am just so angry at how stupid I was thinking any of them actually cared because they’ve proven over and over and over again how much they don’t.
It was such a shitty day. I didn’t make hardly any money. I am short $30 for my car payment. Then I was to get $50 for getting a new bank account but I won’t see that for a month. Then, I was going to have my boyfriend sell some of my stuff and that didn’t happen. Ugh, I am so tired of never having enough money. I have also been putting in job applications for weeks now and I’m not even getting interviews. I don’t know how the fuck people live like this and I don’t know how we are.
It’s just funny that he keeps making these posts about needing food. He knew for the 6 months he was in transitional housing that it was temporary and should have planned to budget for food as he was going to have to feed himself everyday. He’s supposed to be getting into a place tomorrow and I’m praying to God that I hear from him and he tells me that he didn’t. I know that sounds horrible but he can’t even feed himself, how the fuck would he feed our child?! I know he wants 50/50 but he doesn’t have the means to take care of her.
I don’t know how anyone could live like he does. At 41 years old, you should be somewhat established. A stable home, a car, and be able to feed yourself. He knew right away I was pregnant and he’s had all these years to get himself together which he failed to do and feels entitled to half her time? He didn’t care about her up until now and it’s not hard to see the motives. You don’t just suddenly have genuine care for your child when she’s almost 8 years old. Where was he when I lived on 4 hours of sleep? Where was he doing teething and fevers? Where was he to clean up puke at 2 am? Where was he for potty training and when she needed supervision every second? Where was he when she started Pre-K and Kindergarten?
There’s just so much he CHOSE to miss out on and feels he deserves her 50% of the time. I remember begging him to come see her and even take her to which he would just make an argument to get himself free of any and all responsiblity.
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