I think the chiro that I met yesterday will be a good fit. She focuses on the nervous system and uses a torque. She also does Somatic work for trauma. This is what that elder was talking about in that Trauma Support Training workshop. This is what ChatGPT has been trying to get me to do. Things are happening in threes, so I will take it as a sign to open my mind to it. In a captured essence, the body keeps the score. Trauma isn’t in the mind, it is in the tissues. We need to convince my body that it is safe again. After her first adjustment, my joints started to hurt. ChatGPT explained that I can expect all physical and emotional pains to come through as the nervous system thaws.
I have been harbouring guilt around the termination of our Cultural & Wellness Advisor and our Youth & Education Manager. In March, they were put on suspension. I had the head office coming at me about my expenses. Flash forward a month, HR calls me at home about it. I felt like I was in the middle of an investigation regarding those two. That call was on a Friday, come Monday, we got the email that those two will not be returning. The Cultural Advisor I miss dearly. She was the face and soul of our organization. She is amazing people. I’m in awe of her. She DMd me the other day. It was nice to hear from her. I will go visit her at her booth on Wednesday. She has a small business and sells bath & body products. She is somebody that I would love to have on my podcast.
I had a headache all day yesterday. It’s like I have blood going to my brain again after my massage on Sunday. The chiro used some instruments to measure temperature, muscle tension, stress levels, etc. Lower back, but mostly my neck, is where I carry all the tension. My neck is crazy tight, she noticed. Like I don’t notice every day. I don’t know why I was surprised to see that even when I am at my most calm, my body is in a super high stress state. She was able to show me that my nervous system is still adaptable. We can work on it.
Today we meet with a pediatrician at work. She learned about our program and wants to meet us. She will refer youth our way. Then we join a walk that our organization is sponsoring. It is for missing and murdered indigenous men and boys. We are in a heat wave, but the walk is only for an hour.
I dreamt about Jonah last night. It wasn’t a R-rated dream. I’m taking it as a sign. I’m seeing synchronicities again. I dreamt that I had an eagle fan, and then the day an eagle flew over me. Things like that.
I am feeling nostalgic for the way I felt 10 years ago when I first went vegan. The novelty of it all was so healthy for my ADHD. Not that I knew I had it at the time. It was the golden age of influencers. I used to watch my favourite vegan YouTubers for recipe inspo. Watch their travel vlogs and get wanderlust. With my executive dysfunction, I can’t connect to much. Yesterday I was able to force myself to watch some of their content again. It gassed me up to try new recipes that I can alter to my radical diet. I went out and bought ingredients for them. Then my headache happened. I laid in the sun for an hour, that might have done it.
Anyway, I am up early enough to hit the gym before work. It hit me over the weekend that I subconsciously hold back to conserve energy. Our boxing coach always calls me out. I barely break a sweat. Today I plan to get cooked.
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