It was a beautiful day. My boyfriend even made us funnel cakes and they were amazing. I know, not diet food but I couldn’t help but splurge.
The AC wasn’t completely cutting it yesterday so we took our mattress out of our room and put it in the livingroom last night. My daughter slept on the couch. It was massively hot. We’ve had the AC running since yesterday afternoon and several fans. My boyfriend hooked up his portable AC and that’s now in our room.
I didn’t make shit today, barely anything just to have a quarter of a tank of gas. I decided that I wasn’t sitting in my fucking car all day waiting to make money so I came home, we ate breakfast and got some stuff at the store. I didn’t want to use my credit card but we needed stuff for the house. I’m going to try my heart out to work all day tomorrow.
So, BD said something shitty about my boyfriend over text so I downloaded a talking app and sent him the invite. I let him know he is now blocked from calling or texting my cell phone and all communication will be through the app. He’s had several hours and no response. I’m guessing he doesn’t want to worry about being held accountable through the courts for the emotional abuse he’s put me through but I will let the courts know that I would rather go to jail then communicate where he is just going to continue causing problems and emotional abuse. Again, this is what I’ve tolerated all along and I won’t for another decade.
He wanted her over the weekend but unless we start talking through that app, he won’t be seeing her. I just want to understand where he should be allowed to talk to me however he wants and I shouldn’t block him and move on. I have done nothing but take this shit all these years and the courts will be made fully aware that we need to communicate though an app, everything said will be admissable at court and essentially protect us both. I plan to ask for pick ups and drop off be through her school and hopefully his time with her will be limited given his situation. I’m already sick of him talking about my boyfriend and saying plenty to incite a physical altercation.
I can’t even tell my boyfriend about this shit because bad things would happen. I am just going to fucking pray that things go well next week in court. I just don’t know what I’m going to do if I’m stuck putting up with this abuse for another 10 years. I honestly can’t do it. This guy is absolutely impossible and I really do hope we have a good outcome.
It’s hot again today. I just got laundry done. Shit was in the dryer for like 4 hours though. I am so sick of the machines not working right and it costing me extra time and money.
But yeah, I’m pretty heated. It sucks that I don’t have anyone to talk to about it. I’ve sent the screenshots to his ex and my friend but I need to actually talk to someone about this. I honestly wish I had money for a fucking lawyer. Another thing is he doesn’t have a car and I shouldn’t be responsible for transportation. He should have a DL and him not having these things shouldn’t be my fucking problem. I’ve done above and beyond for him to be able to see her, even if it’s meant consuming my time and resources and I’m sick of it.
I’m just really scared that I’m going to be stuck putting up with this guy and none of this is going to be healthy for my kid. It’s like waiting at the gas station for a really long time on Thursday. Um, you are taking advantage of MY TIME! I’m also sick of having to worry about who he has her in a car with when he has her. I wonder if it’s girls that are sitting there badmouthing me in front of my kid. My daughter has told me that nothing is said but I don’t know. She always tells me stuff later after seeing him so I don’t know what to believe. She’s also told me that he has a picture of my boyfriend in his place and throws darts at it in front of her. He is just a really unhealthy person and I would prefer not having to share an innocent child with him.
I’m just really stressed out about everything. It also really sucks that I don’t have a Mother to talk to that would actually listen and genuinely care. She just wants to hear the tea so she can have something to tell everyone else. She’s never cared like a Mom. She’s so into drama and doesn’t care that this is my reality. These are real life problems! She just wants to hear the negative so she can get on the phone with my older brother and they can sit and gossip. Neither one of them have ever given a fuck about my daughter or myself.
She text me yesterday to say that my Dad got kicked out of the motel where he was staying because he was smoking in the room. My little brother was trying to get him to come stay with them and it’s like okay no cuz she sold her fucking house to get rid of him! My Dad is almost 70 years old and just doesn’t think he needs to be held accountable for anything. Let him be homeless for awhile, who gives a shit! I fucking hate all of them and don’t care if they were to all fucking croak! They’ve all treated me like garbage my whole life so I seriously have no regard for them, including my Mom!
Ugh, I’m just tired and hot. I want to shower but for whatever reason, we have no hot water. I have left a message with the landlord but that needs to get fixed immediately because we can’t take showers or wash dishes.
More tomorrow.
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