So he had her for a few hours on Thursday night. I was annoyed because I was to meet them at the gas station by my house and they took quite a while when it was already getting late and he just doesn’t get that she has a bedtime during the week because she had school the next day. He’s still secretive and lies, usually about his time.
I’m honestly getting what I want from this which is showing through text messages that I am the civil one and the one making sure things are going smoothly. Sounds easy enough right? Well the nice/civil/decent shit only lasts so long until he starts shooting his mouth off yet again. I just don’t respond to anything that doesn’t have to do with our daughter and that I’m very communicative with plans and when he lets me know he’d like to take her.
Yesterday I was to take her to him at 6pm but we were kinda wanting to go out sooner so I asked if I could drop her off at 3pm. He said 3:30pm and to meet by my house. I said absolutely. I know that he has a girlfriend and she’s the one that brings him to get her and blah blah blah but the fact that he has to be so secretive about it is a red flag. Why would I care? My daughter has a ride and probably has AC, which is better than him walking around with her like he did last Summer!
He text me after I got her this morning saying that he wants to take her and get a swim suit and wants her next weekend to stay at a motel and go swimming. I said that’s fine. He asked her in front of me this morning at pick up if she wanted to go and she does.
I am getting what I want from this which is we are civil, plans generally go pretty decent, I’m getting a break, and I’m hoping that he’s taking all of this in and by the time we get to court, he realizes that this is a big responsibility and he may decide he doesn’t want her as much as he originally though. My daughter likes hanging out with him but does tell me that he asks if step Dad smokes weed and who knows what else. I feel that he’s still trying to create problems so yeah, I’d like for his time with her to not be limited and I hope he realizes that if he’s saying really negative things about us, it could not only hurt his relationship with her, but make it so she doesn’t want to be around him which then with a court order, I’d have to force her and then it’s just going to turn ugly for everyone.
My issue is I want there to be a court order because I don’t want her to be out late on a school night and me having to wait at a gas station when I have a life too. I haven’t said much about it but there’s certain factors that I plan on bringing up in court. I understand that he doesn’t have a car and doesn’t always have someone to help with transportation but I shouldn’t have to and I don’t want to worry about my daughter walking especially more than a couple of blocks and it’s gotten pretty hot here. Right now it’s 94.
I can tell he’s trying but I know it’s only a matter of time until he goes back to being mentally abusive and I’ll be stuck dealing with it and worry how he treats my kid. I know that this isn’t going to work out for very long and I do plan to mention it in the court room. I want him to spend time with our child, I always have but when it’s affecting my mental health, it becomes a huge problem. I don’t want to be tortured anymore.
We had a date night last night. It was absolutely magical. I enjoyed every minute of it and we were home by 9:30pm. I think it really matters to get time for each other instead of just always being responsible and it’s good to have some time to be carefree because neither of us get much of that.
I am so broke that I don’t even know how to live like this. I usually have some of my car payment by the weekend and I have nothing. I am more scared about bills now that I have for a long time. School is out in a couple of weeks and I really pray that it picks up. I don’t even gas in my car so I’m hoping after I get her to school in the morning, I can make some money right away and put it in my tank. My boyfriend met up with me the other day and said, “I just don’t know how people live like this” and I feel the exact same way. I am $200 short in my account, I have a couple of bills due and I want to start putting money away. This is seriously getting to the point of terrifying. We didn’t spend much going out last night and now I wish we wouldn’t have done anything at all. I tried so hard to enjoy my night but this is going to hit tomorrow morning and stress me throughout the fucking day.
My Mother text me this morning saying that my Dad has been kicked out of the motel for smoking in his room so my little brother was telling him he could go stay with them where my Mom was like no way and so he called our other brother who said ‘fuck no’ to my Dad for staying there. It’s like my little brother doesn’t remember that my Mom sold her fucking house because she didn’t want to be with Dad and they are getting divorced but still tries to get him to move in with them! Fucking dumbass! I know we are all pretty used to wiping my Dad’s ass and everything but he’s on his own. He’ll have to figure it out. I guess he thinks that he’ll still get his deposit back for the room but once you smoke in there, they keep your money!
She never did give me any money from us helping them and I hope she fucking chokes. Before anyone comes at me, you don’t know the whole story and how much I’ve helped them and gone without for them to have food, gas, cigarettes, bills paid blah blah blah you name it and I helped a thousand and more times over the years. She had a chunk of money from selling her fucking house a month ago, promised us money and then kept it all. She also had money coming from her taxes. I mention how fucking broke I am EVERY TIME I talk to her and she just says how I’ll figure it out. Yep, I sure will and I hope they end up needing help because if she calls me, I’ll laugh and hang up right in her ugly fucking face.
I honestly hate my Mom and I don’t even care that it’s on Mother’s Day that I am talking about it. She’s a deceptive, manipulative bitch that deserves every rotten thing that happens to her. She’s treated my daughter and I both like invalids and that we don’t matter so many times that I am allowed to feel like I do. I still wonder if she knows that I have court for visitation coming up and that’s why she asks about my kid. It’s funny all those years she didn’t ask about her or even cared about seeing her but always talked about how she didn’t want my daughter’s Dad to be involved. It’s like this weird possessive thing.
If I find out, she told my brother that we were moving and he’s the one that told BD so now I have to go to court and share my child with this demon, I will be calling him and letting him know that if anything happens to my child while she’s in his care, I have no problem holding him accountable. This isn’t his business and I really hope that he’s had NOTHING to do with this or him and I will be on a much different level. I don’t like him and don’t plan to have a relationship with him ever again anyway and this will make it final.
My boyfriend has been very sweet to me today. He made me my favorite omelet for breakfast and made burgers on the grill for lunch. He’s taking a nap right now so I don’t know what we’re doing for dinner. I wanted to do laundry but he doesn’t want me working today. I plan to get laundry done tomorrow. We just got back from taking the kid and the dog to the water so the AC is running but it’s hot in my room. I hope we can get it cool for bedtime because last night it wasn’t cool at all and I struggled to fall asleep.
I really do love my boyfriend and really pray we work out. We’ve been together over a year now and I know we have our problems but I couldn’t imagine my life with anyone else. I love him more than I will ever be able to put into words. I told him earlier that he’s healed parts of me that I didn’t even know was possible. He’s put love and hope into my heart. I know that he’s struggling with not having a job because he’s someone who does better with a routine and it’s hard for him to not always have money for everything but we will get through this. I don’t talk about money and bills with him as much as I want to because when I get upset, he gets more upset and things just bother him.
It bothers me that I don’t have the relationship with my Mom that I ever needed. There’s still a divider which up until a couple of months ago it was my Dad but now it’s my little brother. I honestly hate him and I’m not going to put up with him for a relationship with her. He’s just as much of a control freak as my Dad ever was and I wouldn’t put up with it for him either. My little brother just turned 30 and still lives with my Mom. It’s really sickening. It is nice not asking her for a fucking thing though. I like just not having to care about her or even pretend to. She’s just done so much to me that I don’t care like I probably should.
Anyways, it’s hot in here so I’m going to the livingroom.
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