Everything is becoming Meta?
Like. I can’t just feel my feelings - I apparently feel (or imagine I feel) what Feelings as an archetype are. It’s become an experience of experience. And I don’t know how I feel about it 😂
Every is so circular. I’m reminded of the moment in time, probably more than a decade ago now, when I realized that I was wishing my emotions away because they frustrated me. Emotionally motivated emotional suicide bahaha! It is as ridiculous as it sounds, and as hilarious to me now as it was then.
A feelings expedition - but, why?, I ask. Why, indeed.
Except this is a bit different… I freed my thought by becoming aware of the ego self and the True Self, and merely shifting my awareness there. Idk if freed my thoughts is even the right phraseology; but once my awareness wasn’t contained within a smaller identity, they expanded. Same thing with emotions/my emotional body, and Will.
Except perhaps I have been too guarded. How do you know that is your thought? Has been one of the most poignant questions that has haunted me all my life. Is this my thought? How would I know? Has anyone thought this thought before?
And this was far, far before I knew about the Esoteric knowledge of the human being or the heirarchy of entities or the planes or anything like this. Perhaps I had trained to some extent in past lives and that is why I have such aptitude or interest in these topics.
But one thing I always knew in my bones was that, thoughts were easily passed through the space between craniums. I was suspicious of every thought, and never believed them.
You know I just had an insight into why I might have been so extensively a spacial-visual thinker. Verbal thinking, which is apparently the norm, is nearly equatable with auditory thinking. Thinking in words. I never had that. For as far as I can remember,I have always thought visually. So when people say “the voices in my head” I thought it was a metaphor. I don’t hear voices. Well I mean, I do, actually, but again I seemed to know enough that they weren’t mine. And I was so utterly suspicious of them that I never trusted them. Rightly or wrongly. But the images. Those were more real somehow. Even Steiner has a ton to say about how angels always bring visions and show up as a visible light, while demons and Satan are relegated to auditory language only. And there is a lot of very interesting physiological stuff about this. Basically that the eye is an organ that is based in voluntary perception, or free will - it can close. Also the ear has some very deep esoteric meaning, wherein it’s design is actually as a reducing valve for the endless onslaught of noise, down to what will benefit us. However, the ear is not linked to free will like the eye is. It is linked to far deeper non physical bodies. And so, the ear is open to attack.
So, anyways. Yes, I literally translate images to words and back again. It isn’t that difficult and a lot of the time, I don’t need to bc the word images actually play across my inner vision as someone speaks. I do experience sometimes a definite break in communication bc if I don’t hear a word just right, I cannot move ahead. It’s like a break in a move film. I cannot sub in a different similar word, I need the image meaning. And so, that can be awkward to ask, “what did you say?” Five times before I can get them to repeat the same word they used the first time.
Anyways. I noticed a repeatedly reference to the 3 fold human being- Thinking Feeling Willing, and why would I try to only feel?
But I’m obviously not super well balanced. I do a lot of Willing. And a lot of Thinking (such as it is). How much Feeling do I do? Mmm. Not a ton. I could do more. And it is important. As important as the other 2 at least.
And then I run into that question. How do I know these are my feelings?
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