I injured myself at the park the other day. We finally had spring weather so we took our participants outside and I wiped out playing on the scooter. I’m still in a lot of pain but I pushed through it at the gym this morning. Now I’m extra sore. I hadn’t been there in a week so I really felt like I needed to go.
We have more great weather today. I’m wasting away in my apartment. The girls and I are trying to nail down a date for our annual camping trip. They’re all so busy this summer. I’m jealous. I wish I was seeing someone. The dating scene is absolute trash in my city. I opened my window so I could get some fresh air. My city stinks.
Speaking of stink. We have new neighbors across the hall. They’re moving in today. We have been here four years, this is the fourth time people moved into that suite. They park like an ass. Our stalls are tight. He parks right on the line so his oversized wife can get out of his oversized pickup truck. This is going to be a problem.
My brain is trying to tally up everything I need to be depressed about. I’m not letting it. Ain’t nobody got time for that. I have plans later. Board game night with Alex and Bruce. Tomorrow I might go visit my sister and her kids.
I feel like I am still recovering from that trauma support workshop. Brutal it was. It changed a few fundamental beliefs so I was waiting for the grieving process to hit. My brain has to grieve the old belief structures. Depression is en route. I also feel like I have so much more clarity which is a double-edged sword. It makes the ADHD wound even bigger. Knowing my full potential but having it out of reach. The workshop gave me a lot of hope in that department. In a captured essence, my body doesn’t have room for dopamine because it is flooded with stress hormones. Lower the stress hormones and you will have room for dopamine. We used to just say energies. The leader of this workshop modernized what our people were doing in ceremonies. Shamanism is contemporary.
So this is life? We just spend our existence healing? What happens once we reach the other side? I can’t stomach people who treat their mental health crisis as a spiritual journey. Spiritual just means breathing ritual. It has to do with the oil in your spine. These Western gurus are all garbage. If they ain’t fit, for starters, they are only doing half of the work. That writes almost all of them off. If you can’t even get that right, you’re cooked. But nah, just throw some crystals on it and manifest health through wishful thinking. We are in the dumb ages.
I don’t know where that rant came from. I borrowed Andy’s (my coordinator) book The Design Thinking Toolbox and I intend to read it by Monday. I need to reset my mood. I’ll go do a smudge on the balcony and then soak in the tub. Pot some plants. He wanted me to take our PS5 home so I could join him in a game. I told him that I was busy with friends and he was like But! We’re friends! He’s been trying to connect with me like that. I really do feel like I made a friend here. I haven’t had a straight male friend in a few decades so… I guess we just game now?
This summer is going to be a lot of fun with our participants. Lots of land-based learning. Very not vegan, very not demure, but very necessary if the grid goes down. We didn’t need the government for anything until they killed off all our buffalo in the name of Public Health. It was literally written in the Canada Public Health Act that we were too self-sufficient because of our relationship with the buffalo so they needed to remove the buffalo to make us dependent on them. Anyway, we are reclaiming the NDN in our kids.
We did an intake yesterday for our program, The little guy is so tiny. He is 11 but barely bigger than my 5-year-old nephew. Our participants are in conflict with the law and he attacked the police when he got arrested. He has a lot of anger. This little guy has seen a lot of suicide in his lifetime. He talks about it himself. I am going to try and plead with operations to get a clinician to work through our organization. They invent positions and programs all of the time. The wellness director had a $150k annual budget that was a waste. His family doesn’t have access to a counselor and this little guy needs it. We are applying for more funding and more funders, we will pay for him to see a clinician if anything. We’ll take him if that helps. We can write this service into our program.
Anyway, I needed to write something out. On with my day then.
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