When will it not hurt in Torridaussity Two

When I think of never being a mom. I’m not jealous or upset that others are moms. I just hurt when i think about it and when I think I’ve come to terms with it something comes up i.e. Mother’s Day and I ache. I know there are options out there in the non biological path, but even then I don’t think I’d have the financial capacity to afford those paths. I let it all in God’s hands because he has a plan for me I just don’t know what it is. I’ve been sick off and on since January. Multiple sinus infections, strep throat, and multiple ear infections. My herniated disc has shifted and I am dealing with nerve issues in my leg and constant pain. The cost of pt, chiropractor visits, and doctor visits is putting me further into debt. I’m slowly losing my will to care about anything. My therapist had to close her practice so no therapist to help, trying to find one. I’m still with Dan, but because of being sick so much haven’t physically seen him in like 2 months and part of me really cares and the other half doesn’t care at all. I’m a bit lost but put up a front because no one really has the time to care and when I try to talk about it I get surface level responses. I’m weary.