october capstone barrage in idea barrages

1.) Most of my celebrity crushes are either comediennes or cooking show hosts. I think this clearly delineates my life priorities.

2.) The one tool we have against shadowy wealth pulling the strings is that their idiot children will want to be famous. Then the light comes.

3.) When doctors pay off their student loans and no longer have to rent out their attics, they become doctors without boarders.

4.) None of you saw my Sexy Heavy-Set Man costume today but lucky for you, I wear it all the time.

5.) we are so many of us just one lucky break, one leap of faith, one miracle away. but I’m bad at leaps of faith.

6.) My version of Hamlet starring He-Man characters would ideally be followed up with “Cringercrantz and Orkostern Are Dead”.

7.) If I still lived in gentrified Brooklyn, I’d scare people by dressing up as gluten.

8.) If I ran a porno shop in a prison, I would surely call it GUILTY PLEASURES.