Change.. lots of change. in New Astrid

She’s going to be a fucking doctor.. of course she is.. no wonder he’s more drawn to her, she has her shit together has her own house and blah blah blah.. I’m working on it. I didn’t expect my pay to feel like peanuts. I’m making the most I’ve ever made and it’s not enough anymore. Oh well.. he and I had a loud discussion about my feelings for him. I was upset this week about a vacation that ended not so wonderfully with my for lack of a better term girlfriend. We were pretty close to calling g it quits and I was very upset about that and his new love interest.. so I was sleeping on the couch instead of in our bed and I wS crying myself to sleep. My kids got concerned and voiced it to him and then he got pissy with me for being “mopey and acting weird” and I just went off.. I called him out for pursuing this new chicken when I’m right here doing wife shit everyday but I’m not worth it. It boils down to “I just don’t see you that way.” I begged him to tell me what was wrong with me and he got angry because I always make it about not being good enough.. but like that’s how I fucking feel. I don’t feel good enough for anyone. Oh well I guess.. so he told me he loved me and he apologized and then I told him we weren’t going to be having sex anymore or cuddling at night. It was fine until last night.. I woke up and he was spooning me. I love the way his arms feel around me.. dammit… anyway. He and I are looking into building me a bonus mom suite in the back yard. I will finally have my own place again..to exist without rules and nonsense.