I've been weeping on and off all day. It's hard to answer a phone or look anyone in the face when all I can see and feel is complete devastation. Sometimes, I won't be focusing on anything at all but find myself with tears running down my cheeks.
The skin beneath my eyes hurts to touch. I have wiped away my tears too much today.
I try to convince myself that I'm not crazy. I feel unstable emotionally and mentally. I have no one to bounce anything off of and I wonder if that'd be healthy anyway... It's one thing for friends to listen and a whole different can of worms to ask a friend to help you patch up the shattered pieces of soul that you're trying to clean up off the floor. I feel a little unstable right now.
Maybe more than a little unstable, but that remains to be seen. I wish I could be a shrinking violet. I wish I could, over time, fade away.
Maybe instead of finding shattered pieces of soul, I could focus on just eliminating all the pieces altogether... Just let everything fall apart and just fade into the shadow. Just disappear...
I don't know. Maybe I have contributed to my own pain. But if I have, should I take all responsibility or is it shared with other involved parties? Is it my place to point a finger or do I just accept my parts and move on, find forgiveness...
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