Entries 8
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1/7 nights drunk - success. (Compared to every night/day.) PTSD is kicking my ass. The flashbacks make the world fill with hate and sometimes, I just want to rip my skin off because it crawls wi...
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I have stopped shaving and all body grooming. I'm not entirely sure why as it's always been something I've been meticulous about since I was a teenager. It feels like disconnected curiosity to se...
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I finished watching Six Feet Under tonight. It always makes me bawl. I shouldn't have watched it since I'm already on such an emotional tight rope anyway but I couldn't help myself. I think I jus...
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I had to schedule an emergency doctor's appointment today. They think I'm having a miscarriage (numero 7) so who knows what will happen in a little bit. I knew this would be coming, though, as th...
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It's hard sitting in my place when I'm not working. I feel so alone. There's been so many deaths lately, literally and figuratively. Incredibly introverted with anxiety and PTSD makes life incred...
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I'm trying really hard not to slit my wrists and as the blood pours, write to him. I'm so unbalanced. I just want to die.
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I've been weeping on and off all day. It's hard to answer a phone or look anyone in the face when all I can see and feel is complete devastation. Sometimes, I won't be focusing on anything at all...
1
Today, I realized I had finally put 1825 in a box. It's as though I feel nothing except this one little cord linked between myself and that box. The pain lifted, a temporary lift. Like a cloud ma...
