What Do You Miss About Childhood? in Hello

I was invited to a party last night. (23rd)

When getting the directions of where I had to go in order I realized it was near my grandmother’s old house. Took the back exit out of the neighborhood to pass by her house. It struck me then that it has been a little over two years now since she has passed away. Irony is the birthday party I was at was for the friend who got me through that difficult time.

I’ve been thinking a lot…as I always do…when lost in music in my car. The last few days I’ve rediscovered the Modest Mouse album Good News For People Who Love Bad News and have reflected on how that got me through a rather dark period in my life ten yeas ago. Specifically the last part of ‘04. It wouldn’t be on my mind so much but people from my past have creeped up lately in a news story and also in person so I’ve had a lot of questions I’ve asked myself as well as those that have been asked of me. When recanting the stories in my head or aloud to whom is inquiring, I keep thinking, “Where did all the time go?”

That thought made itself apparent at the party as it was a two birthday celebration. One turning twenty-four and the other turning twenty-eight. I couldn’t help but to let out a little snicker at the thought that I did feel somewhat old at the event, but it made me feel even more socially awkward when the intoxicated guy who I had struck up a conversation with earlier mentioned he’s thirty with a two year old daughter. Even that morning in the psychology class my teacher was astounded that I don’t have any children. Am I too young? Well, no. I’m not. Not anymore. My twenties ended in what seems like a shattered mess and now as I start my thirties I’m picking up the pieces and trying to glue them back together through a slow but resourceful journey.

In a round about way all this leads me to the question that everyone asks, “What would you do if you could do it over again?”

Me?

Nothing.

Not one thing I would change.

Who I am now is because of everything that has gone on in my life and I’m glad for my joy and my pain.

The one thing I truly miss from childhood will never be repeated, however.

There are the memories, good and bad, which shapes us all. First night of staying up way past bedtime, that one special Christmas where everything went perfectly, old loves and even old enemies. You can keep it all, though.

What do I miss about childhood?

Time.

Not the years, the months, the weeks, the days, the hours, the minutes, nor the seconds. I’m saying that last line to hammer my next point home. The sense of time. How a day could last what seemed like forever. Or how a school year actually felt like a year. How an hour could feel a whole day. When time didn’t matter to us at all during the kid years, I would honestly sell my soul to have that feeling again, that feeling of infinity.

I just started my second year of college. A lot has happened since August 2012. Oh sure, there have been nights of studying, things I have made in the shop, lots of bad food on breaks between classes with my buddies, and somewhere between that all I maintained a job which was the glue that held my finances in order. That was a ton of information I took in and energy I put out. Looking back? It’s mostly all a blur on fast forward. At least that’s what it feels like.

If I could go back to my childhood years…

…I would pick days where little insignificant things happened and cherish them always as a reminder that once there was time for everything…state to state moving trips, new places with new faces, or even the familiarity of staring at the stars through the window on the nighttime drive home from granny and papa’s place in the country.

-Jesse

Last updated August 25, 2014