Visit. in Since OD is shutting down....

So we went and saw my uncle today and drove down to see my Gramma’s headstone. Just 2 years ago she was there at the cemetery with us and now she’s gone. Ugh, my heart hurts. I’m glad we went and saw it though and hung out with my uncle. We took my Mom’s car that doesn’t have AC or cruise control so I was glad to get home and get cooled off. My Mom has since went home and I’ve cleaned up the house.

So I messaged her Dad yesterday while we were at the park and asked exactly when he wants her and when he plans to bring her back. He answered me without being a prick. Things haven been a lot better this go around and I really hope that we are going to reach a good place and stay that way. He did managed to piss me off though because I asked if he could chip in on Summer camp and said, “we’ll help with one week and you can pay the next week” um pretty sure your girlfriend isn’t responsible for paying and do you understand how much I’ve paid for childcare over the years with no fucking help from you?

I let it go though. Not sure if or when he plans to help but now I’m wondering about the modification but chances are he’s not even going to know about it because they don’t have his new address. I’m just hoping his new job isn’t paid under the table or some shit and he could still use money as a form of control. I’m wondering what to do because my caseworker is gone until the 12th but regardless the hearing will still take place, I’m just praying I’ll actually start seeing CS consistently.

My daughter has plans tomorrow and Tuesday and it sounds like her Dad may want to take her for awhile on Wednesday. He’s wanting her for about a week starting the 15th and I’m not sure how I feel about that because that means his girlfriend would be taking care of her some of the time and that is stressful because my kid said she doesn’t talk and he claims she has kids around our daughter’s age but I’ve creeped on Facebook and her kids are definitely older so obviously we still have lying issues.

I admit, I’d love to know what kind of relationship he has with this woman because he’s still on that website trying to find hookups. Either this woman is completely oblivious or she’s in for a whole lot of hurt. I think he likes to just use these women to get out of his sisters place but now, this chick lives 3 hours from here and I’m sure he’s gonna get bored with this situation, it’s only a matter of time. I just hope that he’s going to work so that I can start seeing some CS and this girl is the motivation he needs to change his fucking life. It’s about time that he starts doing productive things and become a fucking parent.

With him wanting to take her, I definitely have my concerns but I also think about the fact that I didn’t get a break whatsoever all last Summer and this might end up being the only break I do get. I’m hoping he’s going to take her more than just for Father’s Day though or I’m going to be pissed. He’s always accused me of using her as a toy but never sees himself as doing the same fucking thing.

I think about how my Dad says I don’t owe him anything but I don’t see it like that. I see it as I do owe it to my kid to see everything for herself and that I’ve been a single Mom since I found out I was pregnant. I also think if he wants to be a Dad that it should be allowed. I don’t know how the fuck my parents can sit on the phone with me listening to me cry and scream because being a single Mom is really hard and even though my Mom doesn’t help, they don’t want him involved either! Um, okay well it’s easy for you to give your ‘advice’ because it isn’t you living this! You aren’t the one going through what I have!

If it wasn’t for my Dad, I know my Mom would definitely help out more than what she does. I don’t agree with how much control he’s still manage to have over her and essentially over my situation AND still expects me to cut her Dad out of the fucking picture! To me, that’s extremely selfish and undoubtedly toxic. I don’t know how my Mom can sit there and hear my cries for help and just blow it off and yet still want me to just keep figuring it out on my own. Well obviously that hasn’t worked because I’m still sitting here without a job and not sure how the fuck I’ll ever work again because there’s no one to help outside of school.

Everyone has heard me say numerous times that I’m tired of being a single Mom and yet, no one offers help. Even once a month for a couple of hours. Nothing. Zero. I think it’s rather heartless especially when they don’t want her Dad to be involved either. That’s really evil in my opinion. If he wants to be a Dad and it helps me out than I’m going to be all for it. I’d like a break, even if it’s a couple of hours at a time. The happier I am, the happier my daughter is but no one seems to understand that.