Wednesday. in Since OD is shutting down....

So I spent an hour waiting to get my oil changed. I’m so glad to get that over with. I also went and got my copies made that I need for the modification. I went to my parents for a little while to get out of the house. He finally messaged asking if he could pick her up and then said, “get back to me asap” which pissed me off so I took my time responding. It’s like no, you aren’t going to stress me out on my phone when we didn’t hear from you at all this whole time! I don’t run on your clock, you’re going to run on mine!!

I was gonna go to the grocery store until I got there and there was no where to park so I’ll try again tomorrow. It was pretty hot today and will be again tomorrow.

But yeah, so he dropped her off and I asked about if he was going to be here through the 3rd and he said yes and when I asked for how long he said, “we’ll talk about it later” which has been his response every time I’ve mentioned it so either he doesn’t plan on going or will eventually so I’m not sure what I should do because I want to get the CS modified but I want to get as much as I’m entitled to so if he’s not working I won’t get as much.

It’s just really bullshit why everything has to be a long drawn out conversation with this guy. He just likes to keep me questioning things because he gets attention but I’m only going to ask so many more times and then I’m just going to send the paperwork in. Even if he takes that job, there’s no way of knowing how long he would be there anyways.

I doubt he knows that modification is a thing so I don’t feel that’s a reason why he’s so evasive. I think it’s just the typical bullshit for me to keep bugging about stuff so he feels important. I can only imagine how he’s going to react once he learns I’m requesting an increase. He can’t just expect me to keep footing the bill for everything while he gets to skip along being free of responsibility. My life has been on hold long enough and even if I go another stretch of time without him paying, he’ll owe even more.

School is out next Friday and then it’s going to be the same old thing of trying to find stuff to do and not getting much of a break so I’m trying to get as much stuff done now. If he doesn’t take that job, who knows when he plans to work again and he isn’t going to have money to take her to do things so she probably will go back to not seeing him. Every time he’s picked her up she asks why it wasn’t me and I think it’s because she’s so adjusted to his absence that she doesn’t want to adjust to his presence.

I just wish he could be a better person for her and even though he’s consistently seen her for 3 weeks now, we know it’s not going to last. Either he’ll leave or he just won’t have money. I’m just going to be really pissed if we sit around bored all Summer while he’s out doing whatever he wants likes he’s always done. The lack of accountability just makes my blood boil. I wish that it didn’t bother me so much but it’s maddening.

All I know is this better be the last fucking time I have to worry about having a gap in childcare because I want to plan on getting a damn job. I’m just angry because I feel that everyone has failed us.

But yeah, I’m going to give it until the early part of next week for him to tell me what his plans are and then the paperwork is going to get mailed. He’s not paid in 2 years now and I’m really sick of things being the way they are. I’m just tired of being stuck holding the bag with everything and him having no responsibility. I don’t believe he’s going to take that job but merely just trying to free up his Summer to not be a Dad and not work so he can have his freedom because the last 6 years hasn’t been enough for him.