Um. in Since OD is shutting down....

Okay so didn’t really hear from him all weekend except last night when he asked what I was doing. My daughter called him a few minutes ago where he claimed to be working but couldn’t video chat and it was eerily quiet on his end. I asked about him taking her to a movie Friday night where he said that was his Mom’s birthday. So I asked if he was still leaving where he said tomorrow is his last day at work and it’s a conversation for us to have in person. Okay well I’m definitely finding holes in his story and again, he either can’t make time for his kid or can’t keep his fucking lies straight.

I’m not sure how to feel about this other than he needs to be working and if he’s not planning to leave for awhile then it’s really dumb for him to be quitting his job. He’s going to run out of money and then what? I just want to know what exactly the plan is because I’m totally on board with him leaving where I’m going to start seeing money consistently and be able to start figuring out my own life. This is just really going to suck if he’s planning to just go back to being jobless and I don’t see money again for a long time plus then he won’t have money to take her out and do things.

It’s also bullshit that he told me Thursday night about this upcoming job that he didn’t work last night or tonight but made no effort with his kid until I messaged this evening asking if he was free to talk to her. I also think it’s bullshit that he prioritizes his Mom for Mother’s Day and her birthday on Friday when my daughter doesn’t even hear from her when it’s her special day. Again, there’s just a lot of things that are absolutely bullshit but again, I have to keep the peace by holding my tongue.

I really want to ask if he plans on hanging out with her Friday night because it sounds like my brother is down to have her for the night. I’m definitely not going to give up a break if I can get one so I’d like to know if he’s going to spend time with her or not. He said he’s going in for a heart screening tomorrow and thinks there’s something wrong with him and his appointment is at 10. I almost want to offer to take him so that we could maybe talk about stuff because I’m going to have anxiety until I know what his plan is. I just hate having to be careful how and when I approach things because if I don’t go about things the right way, it could scare him into not taking that job.

The guy is such a fucking narc that everything has to be handled with precision. It’s all about timing. I just want things to be okay so bad and stay okay that I can’t fucking stand it. I just want him to make good choices and not just go back to not having a job because that means things aren’t going to get better for us as well.

So today, I cleaned up a cupboard, took apart fans and cleaned them and then also took apart the vacuum and cleaned it. I was very productive. I really like it when I have stuff to do. I’m really worried about what we’re going to do once school is out at the end of next week. It’s going to be a struggle keeping busy all the time. Even if he stays, he won’t have money to take her out and do stuff with her but I’m sure he’ll find money to hit the bar like he’s always done. Ugh, I’m seriously starting to freak out.

It was pretty hot today and supposed to be all week. I’m definitely not ready for the heat and once it starts, it’s months of it and I get really sick of it after the first month. I get really tired of being hot and uncomfortable all the damn time. I just hope to God that he’s going to take that job so that I can start seeing money and be able to do stuff. I know that aren’t going to be able to sit at home constantly.