Empty in 2014

There's an emptiness that comes from Amber's final, definite, rejection "for now anyway." At the same time, it's wonderful and freeing.
I wanted her. I wanted her as it's difficult to want a person.
But I want me more.
And that's the point where I needed to reach.
The last two months have been a painful, dramatic mess. Emotional highs (the snuggling of two nights ago) hideous lows (the drunken parking lot nap of hate), but, through it all, I've managed to get shit done. Not as much as I've wanted. Not as well as I've wanted, but shit done as I've seldom done it before.
It hurts to not have her, and it hurts to let her go "for now."
But I am so excited, so emptily, painfully, happily, blissfully excited.
I am empty, but it's an emptiness that I feel I can fill with anything.
And I'm thrilled to be alive.