My family is the absolute best at making someone feel guilty for even the slightest thing they think they've done wrong.
I'm perfectly aware that I cheated on my diet last week. I had a cupcake once every few days when I had a light day or had worked out just because I was craving the energy. I don't even really like sweets to be honest but I just kind of wanted one every once in a while. It's not like a sat down and ate six at once so I didn't really think it was that bad but of course while I was fixing dinner she had to bring it up again.
"I was so proud of you, you were doing so well, then you just had to fall off the horse again." Like, really? The only positive things you had to say when I was on my diet (which I didn't even tell her about from the start because I knew she would try to be all fake happy for me) was to tell me that it was obvious that I was losing weight and that I looked thinner. When I said I'd only lost like 4 pounds she said that I was just losing inches instead of pounds. Bitch, you don't lose inches and no pounds when you're 350 pounds, stop being pretentious I'm not stupid.
But of course, the moment she sees a crack she has to immediately take a sledgehammer too it and try to just fill it with negative self images and bad thoughts when I'm trying so hard to stay positive about myself. Alistair tries hard enough, but he just doesn't help all of the time, he tries; but it just doesn't always work. He tries to express that he's into heavier women but than shows me a picture of some woman he views as "heavier" when the only thing heavy about her is her tits.
Just... really don't feel very good about myself and I'm trying to be positive but it's hard when I'm just naturally not but I feel bad for not feeling good about myself because I'm sure Ali is sick of hearing about me gripe on myself. It can't be much fun to be going out with someone who can't find anything nice to say about themselves.
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