My strange addiction in Internet Intentions

I’m sad because I want to be productive but my body just doesn’t agree with me. My afternoons are free at work to plan and prepare for the next but today 3/15/23 I played sudoku from 11:30 to nearly 2:30 uninterrupted. I’m sad that the kids don’t like me and I’m sad that I’m never ahead of my work. I’m sad that whenever I give up an addiction weed, YouTube, video games, reddit, I always find something to replace that old addiction. Sudoku isn’t inherently bad but my amygdala responds to anxiety by finding something to numb my brain. Something for me to get absorbed into. This past week or 2 at work I’ve had a few sudoku sessions that last over 2 hours and I always hate myself afterwards. I can accept that I like sudoku, I also accept that I hate how I can’t control myself after I start. I can’t sleep at night because all the anxiety that I delay and ignore during the day comes back at that time.

I want to be a good teacher I want to be approachable, and I’m really losing a connection with my students.

I will not play Sudoku for the rest of this month. I will replace that sudoku time with reading my book. I will read my book during my lunch and once lunch is over I will stand in the hallway and when the 2nd bell rings I will come back into my room and get to work.