Anal fissure. in Since OD is shutting down....

So I suffer from constipation and then it leads to anal tear and then I’m in the worst pain of my entire life. I’ve had this my whole life but got worse in my early 20’s. If I don’t eat right and/or drink plenty of water, I get constipated and then if I don’t fix it right away I get a tear and then have several days of pain after I poop. I have dealt with this yesterday and now today I’m not in any pain but I haven’t pooped yet so I’m sitting here scared to death waiting for the inevitable pain that’s going to happen. I’ve ate sensibly this morning and am drinking water like crazy along with putting Miralax into my my coffee.

I got my welcome hiring packet from my new job. I have to schedule a couple of things and then I’ll probably start next week. I’m glad to know I’ll work within my daughter’s school hours so the only time I would need her picked up is if she were to get sick at school. This definitely eases my stress. It’s like as much as I want to be nervous about starting a new job, that’s the easy part after knowing I won’t need help with my daughter and if I do, it’s going to be a rare occasion. It bothers me that I can’t work a full time job but this is a start and hopefully down the road I’ll be able to find reliable care so I can work more hours.

It’s nice to sit here and just relax while my kid is at school. It was a decent weekend but boring. I feel so bad that we don’t have more people to hang out with and I know it bothers her. She tells me that I don’t have anything to be sorry for but I still am. It makes me very sad and almost hateful that she has no relationship with her Dad or anyone in his family and he’s made damn sure of that. I have never seen someone more interested in hurting someone than caring if his daughter has a relationship with him or her cousins on his side.

I had to call in my job program today and nobody did call back so I hope I’m not in trouble. I have now pooped. There was some pain as I was pooping but as of right now, I’m pain free and I hope I’m now on the mend but I’m planning to stay away from fast food and sugar. I need to make a lifestyle change where I just completely cut out all junk from my diet because the pain that I experience with this anal tear isn’t worth it. The pain is debilitating and I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone.

I’m worried about pain but I’ve been sweeping, mopping, and vacuuming today. I just want my house fresh and clean. It didn’t get too bad over the weekend but I’m just always trying to stay ahead.

I just got back from being adjusted. I was thinking about how I could go do whatever I wanted on my way home and I didn’t. It’s crazy how I’ve just gotten so used to being a hermit and I just hope that I’ll maybe make some friends at my new job and have people to talk to. My loneliness is overwhelming at this point.