No real memories... in Torridaussity Two
- Dec. 29, 2022, 9:52 p.m.
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- Public
From today on in 2021 until I fully woke up in January of 2022. Yesterday marked the year anniversary of being put on the ventilator. It’s been a very emotional month for many reasons, but from the 19th on has been especially hard. I will be doing online counseling within the next few weeks until I can get in somewhere in person. My brother successfully proposed so I got a future sister in law for Christmas who promptly made me mad throughout her stay because she knows it all and is never wrong. Very few people checked in on me this week and it shows you that the assumption is I’m headed I’m ok, but in reality I started questioning now a year later… why did I live when so many didn’t, what is my purpose here because I feel so lost. That’s where I’ll end this because I’ve triggered a crying spell. My message did go well with a few tiny tears. I’m sorry I’m very behind in responding to notes and reading your entries. I hope you all had wonderful Christmases and that your 2022s will be fabulous.
Spirit Song ⋅ December 30, 2022
I raise a toast to you and pray that 2023 is much kinder. Stay plugged in, and He will show you your purpose. Meanwhile, just keep doing the next right thing.
Always Laughing Spirit Song ⋅ December 30, 2022
Thank you that is what I am doing one day at a time. I don't know why I'm feeling this pressure of asking why it's prb because a year has passed but I'm still so far behind where I thought I'd be.
Deleted user ⋅ December 30, 2022
I am very glad you are here. I think you are here to help people and I know you've been having a hard time with everything you should continue till your path is revealed to you.
Lady of the Bann ⋅ December 31, 2022
We can all get those 'why are we here' thoughts. But it's best to go forward and be the best we can.we make a difference in ways we never know. A smile, a coin, a helping hand, a friendly chat. You are here because you were strong enough to survive. Not everyone could. Don't feel guilty about it.
Always Laughing Lady of the Bann ⋅ December 31, 2022
Thank you. I don't feel guilty just guess I'm seeking my purpose. But I will definitely keep going forward.
Reading_Blankie 📚 ⋅ December 31, 2022
Im sooo far out of the loop for I haven’t been here in forever. I knew you had covid and were on a ventilator. I don’t have the answers you seek, but I do know that writing out your thoughts does help. I wish the very best for you. ♥️
Always Laughing Reading_Blankie 📚 ⋅ December 31, 2022
Thank you. It's been a long year of recovery.
Small Town Girl ⋅ January 01, 2023
:( Hugs! I relate so much, and like we already discussed! 2023 had damn well better be a good year for both of us!
Always Laughing Small Town Girl ⋅ January 02, 2023
It better be
icedcoffeeplz ⋅ January 03, 2023
I hope 2023 is better for you
Always Laughing icedcoffeeplz ⋅ January 04, 2023
Thanks I hope so for you too.
Lux Lunae ⋅ January 03, 2023
I'm sorry that not many reached out to you. This is such a bewildering time, the anniversary of so many days lost. I'm so glad you did make it. I checked in with your brother regularly. I was so worried. It's not really something one can ever make sense of. Why some go into remission from cancer and others don't. Why some survived covid and others didn't. There are still things left for you to do, and that's never a bad thing. I do hope you can get the support you need via therapy. Do none of your friends sit and talk with you about what happened and help you unpack it?
Always Laughing Lux Lunae ⋅ January 04, 2023
It's hard for me to talk to them about it because I feel guilty because they were all so worried and they just don't get it to be honest.