Saturn Day in Current Events

The other night I had the worst dream of my life. I woke up shook, I was disturbed beyond repair. I couldn’t even move. I was sick to my stomach and just wanted to stay home and cry. I rushed to work so I could get lost in that instead. The dream wasn’t that intense. I was holding a baby when I made the decision in my mind to raise him with perfect love and he would smile and laugh. When I made the decision in my mind to raise him with perfect hatred, he would cry. It went back and forth and I woke up brokenhearted for every infant and child that is not getting their needs met. Broken-hearted for those that are being trafficked. I think I dreamt this because I am witnessing both the left and right deep dive into the Balenciaga scandal. They’re looking at the parent company and are starting to see how deep this rabbit hole can go. The last time this happened, when liberals and conservatives united over a cause, it was the #SaveOurChildren. Hillary Clinton’s e-mails brought child trafficking to the front of our consciousness until the news cycle was clogged with something else. Then the day Biden was announced as the presidential winner, that hashtag was disabled. You either know why or you don’t.

I am very confident that I aced my test on Thursday. There were only two questions that I was shaky on. I reviewed my notes when I got home and I know that I executed them perfectly. We were instructed to take it easy this weekend and relax. We just started a new unit so there isn’t much to study. I am to arrive early next class and get the process started with registering for courses next semester. I’m dreading it because I already know that there are not any evening classes. I can hunt some evening classes down at another school so not all hope is lost. It’s going to be a bigger problem in the future when I pursue post-secondary. I don’t do shift work. I am not available to do classes during the day so I know that I will have to make a sacrifice somewhere in the future. That sacrifice will not be to quit school.

I had my interview for the full-time position on the same day as my test. I know now that there are only seven other candidates but I also know that they do not have anything on me. The only thing that can get in my way this time is the fact that I am in school. It’s clear that I don’t want to have a long career there. If I don’t get the position, the silver lining is that I can enroll in a course next semester easier. Though, I would rather have full-time availability. However, if I reduce my availability to the same as Morgan, another person on my team that is in school but doesn’t work Tuesday/Thursday, I can potentially take more than one course. The courses I want both have morning and afternoon slots available. They’re three hours each, twice a week. That would be a full day of school. Though, I would rather have evening classes.

I went thrifting on my way home from work yesterday. We’re officially in -30c weather now. We were spoiled up to this point. My city has a reputation for being one of the coldest in the world. It can drop to -50c. I am looking for stationary things. Specifically, I want a little 3-tier bookcase in a specific colour but I just might have to pay full price. I won’t even get the correct colour, whatever. Toni suggested that we go to IKEA this weekend. I want her to buy herself a damn dresser already so I won’t let her back out. She is living out of storage totes. She never unpacked her last apartment either. Her bedroom has a bed, she got around to buying a nightstand and she has an easel mirror. That’s it. She has a pile of storage totes inside and outside of her closet. This wasn’t normal in her last living situation, it’s still not normal now. She once told me that she is low maintenance, referring to her living out of storage totes. I was just living out of suitcases before we got this apartment so I know that it isn’t true.

Maybe the kind of shelf I want will be at IKEA. I have a five-tier bookcase in the living room with reading books and plants, I want a small one in the area where my desk is for my writing books. Also to hold the majority of my stationary things. Toni seems to be allergic to owning things. She’s cheap and doesn’t want to buy anything so she just uses all of my stuff. Most of it without asking. She’s dug through all of my things, I know this because she uses them. At some point, she decided that I don’t get certain boundaries. Lest we forget that when we moved in we didn’t have a lot and she said that we would split the cost of it but backed out leaving me with the $1400 tab. Now she just uses everything. I recently had to do the passive-aggressive thing and remove all of my products from the shower caddy. I had noticed her hair all over my shampoo bottle. I picked up her bottles and they were empty. My stuff isn’t cheap, I started storing them in my bathroom which forced her to go buy her own. Our apartment has 1 and a half bathrooms. Hers has the bathtub, mine has the in-suite laundry.

When we last had our big talk and I got her to accept some self-awareness about her drinking, etc. She mentioned that she knows that she crosses boundaries. She was referring to her relationships with Bob and Chris. I didn’t bring up how she had done that with our living situation. We are just roommates, for those who don’t know. I feel like I am her parent/boyfriend in a lot of ways. Her toxic codependence and all.

I agreed to participate in a gift exchange at work. I look forward to hunting down something appropriate. I will do that shopping today at some point. Probably on my way to visit my sister.

Today, all I want to do is fast and play Skyrim all day. However, I agreed to babysit Bevs youngest at 11:30 am. I’m also going to visit my sister, I miss my niece and nephew. It’s been over a month since I’ve seen them last and this is the longest I have gone without seeing them. After my awful dream, I need this.

I’ve been mentally preparing myself to start making content for the socials. I am aiming to start doing that in January. I won’t necessarily post them right away. I want to give myself a head start so I don’t have to feel like I’m enslaved to it. I’ve been writing down my ideas and I’m going to start getting myself comfortable talking to my camera. The cringe of it all. Then get used to watching myself talk to the camera.

Once I’m done with my coffee I will start working out. I hadn’t done it in a week because I’d been studying for my test. If I get the full-time position I will join a gym. I also have a huge pile of dishes to do. My roommate won’t touch them. I don’t blame her for it this time, most of it is my stuff. She piled hers with it as usual. I haven’t been letting that get to me but it will eat me alive again eventually. Her leave it for mommy and daddy approach to everything. I also have to do our grocery shopping this morning too.

I woke up this morning with a stuffy nose again. I take that as a sign that my cough isn’t over yet and then I get a little frustrated. I refuse to take anything for it because I know what disease is now. My body is removing waste and if I suppress the symptoms with allopathic medicine, I will then have to heal twice. My body will have to pick up where it left off but with twice the load and on top of that, it will have to remove the toxic waste and repair the damage from the medication. All of that waste will be stored in my body and if I keep suppressing symptoms it will create all those disease states that we accept as old age and worse. My body is the cure and this cough is performing something positive and so it’s going to be worth the pain. I just need to support the process and balance my nutrition. This cough has not been getting worse by any means. It’s just a big inconvenience.

Anyway, on with my day now.