Diatribe in Current Events

I can feel the tension between Toni and me, my roommate. I can tell that she feels my judgement. That is why she is hiding in her room, I suspect. She’s committed to being absolutely useless around the apartment, as we know. More so than usual I am noticing. She’s committed to being useless to herself. She’s on cooking strike it appears. She is too depressed to do that for herself also. I’ve been on strike with cooking for her too. #Twinning. I made one meal for us on Sunday and she has been rationing those leftovers to bring for her lunches. It’s run out and I won’t be available this evening to cook for her. She will come home with takeout, guaranteed. Will she take out the trash that is full? No. The recycling? No. Empty the dishwasher? No. Clean up her dishes that she will leave beside the sink? No. I could do it but I am waiting to see if she will cave and be… useful. Having a pity party in her room and getting shitfaced every night is a better use of her time, of course.

When I don’t cook she does the usual. She eats like a stoner because she is a stoner. We are the same age but in six weeks I turn 37 and in May she turns 17. She has the emotional intelligence of a 17-year-old and it’s so painful to be around. We shouldn’t have this much angst. She made the claim once that she doesn’t eat that much. That is a lie. She is a stoner and eats as such. Without me cooking, she’s tearing through all of the chips. She is tearing through everything that I have prepped. Pasta salad, granola, energy bites, humus, and things like that. She doesn’t contribute anything like that, just uses and takes whatever she wants. Since Saturday, she has eaten two packages of Oreos and finished off the vegan ice cream for midnight snacks. She is somebody that does bong rips all day, then drinks a bottle of wine before bed and then eats ice cream at midnight and then turns to everybody in their life and says * I can’t fall asleep at night I have insomnia. I’m a victim, validate my feelings and feel sorry for me.* If you don’t then you just fail to understand how hard life can be.

She’s not even cleaning her room it’s a pig stye. She is emotionally incontinent, she has no control over her feefees. People our age have real problems and are handling them far better than she is with her teenage angst. She needs to get her life right already. Life isn’t a Taylor Swift song. This time next year she will be wearing a hat. She does not have what it takes to create the changes that she needs to make to support better health. Her liver is done. Alopecia is an autoimmune disease that she earned. She’s not just mentally toxic, her body is toxic. Allopathy will not fix her. Her body has to fix her but she doesn’t have the grit.

Speaking of songs. I am old and out of touch, music today doesn’t do it for me. Back in my day, music didn’t do it for the older generations either. That is fine, it’s not my day anymore. That’s just the order of things. That song Royals by Lorde is when I noticed music became garbage to me. Everybody whispers their music now. However, I did come across this artist, Mehro, and I don’t hate his work. It might just be because I am naturally drawn to his Scorpio/Capricorn vibes. I thought he was a boney Capricorn like myself. He’s a Scorpio with a Capricorn rising. Timotee Chalamet, for example, it is clear as day that he is a Capricorn. Random astrology example. I’m boney like a Capricorn but I look a lot like my Taurus rising. I am very balanced between Capricorn and Scorpio in my birth chart. Even my Taurus rising comes with Scorpio, obv.

His songs make me feel like I am young again. Makes me feel lustful, not necessarily for him. I’m not interested in having any of that in my life right now. I am trying to be self-centred at the moment. Fantasies about a fling with some twink can remain make belief.

So I have the whole day to study for my test on Thursday. I won’t rush into studying, of course. I don’t have better things to do but I shall procrastinate anyway. I do have a class tonight. I hope my car is ready long before then.

So I dedicated another entry to whining about my roommate. I poured more of my energy into it. Blimey, I suck.

If I do get that full-time position that I applied for. I think that I will get whole life insurance. I am learning how life insurance is being misused. We are taught to believe that it is death insurance. I can take out policy loans and be my own bank. It’s what millionaires do. I will be trying to source post-secondary in a few years. I’d rather pay myself back. In ten years if everything goes according to plan, I’ll also have my own clinic. My own business. I have financial goals regarding that as well. That’s later problems.

Anyway, I wasted enough time. I shall go exercise and move on with my day.