sometimes in poetry

sometimes you defecate
and you just defecate
you ate some food and
what was left had to go
it happens and you move on
it’s just part of your day
that’s just part of life
you barely remember it

sometimes you shit
but it’s such a relief
you were holding it in
for whatever reason
but it finally comes out
a weight off your shoulders
a weight out of your insides
and it’s bliss
and it’s triumph
and it’s joy
you have overcome baser needs
you are purer throughout for it
it’s beautiful
there’s an extra hop in your step
for the rest of your waking day

but sometimes you shit
and it is a humbling
it is a humiliation
it is an ordeal

your insides are turning out
and everything from inside you
is vile and reeking
is rancid and burning
that’s you coming out
you are reminded
you are an animal
you are reminded
of your mortality
you are reminded
that all you are
is a glorp of cells
meant to turn things
into other things
until you stop
and rot away

it is an existential shit
there is no order to the universe
no god in his or her heaven
you do not have hope
you do not have a soul
you are here to turn cheeseburgers
into wretched goo
to make the grass grow
to feed the next cows
to make the next cheeseburgers
your essence is falling out
and you are just one disgusting stop
in the middle of the cycle of cheeseburgers

but then there is something even worse
and it’s usually in the bathroom of a Wal-Mart
you have sprinted, pinching your cheeks
from the thrift store down the streets
that has no bathroom so the homeless don’t linger
you have run into the bathroom
trying to not soil your pants
in the grocery of last-resort
in the walled-garden of desperation
in a shrine to all of your country’s
regressions and devolutions through greed

and the man in who went in right before
looks like an Amish who on Rumspringa in nineteen-seven-three
decided to follow the progressive band King Crimson
around in a van while they tour for the rest of his life
and he’s oohing and aahing with pleasure in his urination
while your digestive tract implodes on you
and you’re checking your undies for staining
and you’re on your second and third flush
and if you were telekinetic at all
his head would’ve exploded in front of that urinal
so now you know you’ll never have superpowers
which only adds to the agony
your body shedding itself
into a rarely cleaned john

this is not an existential shit
this is not even a nihilist shit
this is the kind of shit that
proclaims that there is a God
and He hates you
not even the entire human race
not even just bad people
God hates you
specifically you
and that’s why you’re shitting like this
on flush four
in a Wal-Mart men’s room
while Ezekiel Fripp out there
is whistling while he washes your hands

you never want to shit again
you never want to eat again
you never want to live again
but still you wipe seven times
and go back out to buy those
arch supports for your shoes or whatever
it doesn’t end just because that happened
you have to live some more
so it can happen again

but hopefully never again
in a fucking Wal-Mart

sometimes the shits are like that
sometimes life is like that

Last updated September 20, 2022