Double Entry... in Journal
- April 7, 2022, 6:48 p.m.
- |
- Public
I made lasagna and it smells so freaking good.
2 for 3? Crypto market is down, but not for 2 of 3 of the new assets I decided to dabble in. The 2 are up slightly. win?
Things have been… interesting… with DH.
He is aware that he does things that hurt our relationship, but does nothing about it. I tend to talk at length about my thoughts and feelings regarding his actions. Sometimes, I think it connects. Most of the time, I don’t think it does. And that’s part of the harm he contributes to. He makes to effort, and no attempt, to connect. I have to guess. I believe he recognizes it, though. I don’t know if he is quite capable of being honest with himself, though. There is always some excuse. Some unreality fog of no-fault that he retreats to. The conversation that goes on;
M”Did you do “blank”?” I ask.
DH”I didn’t mean to.”
M”That’s not what I asked.”
DH”I was trying to find out-” he goes on.
M”But did you actually do that?”
DH”No.”
M”Then what happened? Did you do “blank”?”
DH”I acknowledge that from your perspective it would seem like I was “blank”.”
M”Uh, okay, so you are saying that you did do it or not? You’re giving me conflicting answers.”
DH”There’s intention that matters, here! I mean, there’s manslaughter and there’s murder.”
M”Sure, but I’m still just asking if there is a dead body or not.”
This back and forth about intention, empiricism, and reality will go on for up to a half hour. FINALLY, he admits that he has a compulsion to make up scenarios wherein almost anything is possible. “What is wrong with gathering evidence, first?” I ask. “Why not see what the evidence is, and then build some inferences from there?”
Idk, he says. I’m scared. I’m anxious. I’m annoyed. I’m confused. I wanted to ask for clarity but I just didn’t.
Well. I mean. The guy is choosing the fog over reality to avoid the discomfort of facing reality. I get it. But he won’t be honest about it to himself.
Sleepy-Eyed John ⋅ April 07, 2022
I've heard it's useful to try a bit of blindness. I wouldn't want to be interrogated and scolded by my wife on whether I'm empirically accurate. He's probably trying to love you as best he can.
Miss Chiffs Manager Sleepy-Eyed John ⋅ April 08, 2022
Wow, interrogated and scolded. Is that an empirical charactarization? lol
Sleepy-Eyed John Miss Chiffs Manager ⋅ April 08, 2022
I think you're approaching it with too much head and not enough heart. Call it what you will
Miss Chiffs Manager Sleepy-Eyed John ⋅ April 08, 2022
That's just annoying.
You called it interrogation and scolding. I ask if that is empirical? and you give me another charactarization without evidence.
I call it communication. I call it honesty.
Sleepy-Eyed John Miss Chiffs Manager ⋅ April 08, 2022
I think you'll hurt his feelings trying to hold your relationship to such rigorous standards of evidence. I would feel trapped by someone who doesn't understand me or care. And Maya Angelou said, 'people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.' But it's not my relationship. You're absolutely right I didn't say anything empirically backed up, though. I still don't think I'm wrong.
Miss Chiffs Manager Sleepy-Eyed John ⋅ April 08, 2022
You're free to think what you want. If I point out that it's unfalsifiable, and based on nothing but your feelings, and you admit that that is true, then I hope it's fine with you that I regard it as a waste of my time.
I frankly don't know what you mean by "I'll hurt his feelings trying to hold our relationship to such rigorous standards of evidence." Reality is. Things exist, or they don't. The act of identifying what is real is the basis of all cognition.
I ask on what evidence you base your opinions because, you haven't asked a single question about it, and are in a position of fundamental ignorance of this entire situation. I can't take a blind man's word for what color he thinks the earth 10 meters down is. I can be curious about how he thinks he knows, that is all.
And that, my friend, is true connection. Because we can only ever connect in reality.
Sleepy-Eyed John Miss Chiffs Manager ⋅ April 08, 2022
You're obviously smart and perceptive but you're rarely easy to talk to. How do you tolerate yourself? I'm not condemning but don't you ever relax and goof off?
Miss Chiffs Manager Sleepy-Eyed John ⋅ April 08, 2022
Bahaha
You're too much, man.
Sleepy-Eyed John Miss Chiffs Manager ⋅ April 08, 2022
I find you interesting. I just think differently.
Why am I too much?
Miss Chiffs Manager Sleepy-Eyed John ⋅ April 09, 2022
Sorry, you're* not too much. I just thought that comment was hilarious.
I don't believe that I think differently. I just think.
Sleepy-Eyed John Miss Chiffs Manager ⋅ April 10, 2022
I think too. But I probably read different books and think differently than you do.
Miss Chiffs Manager Sleepy-Eyed John ⋅ April 11, 2022
There is only one mathematics.
There is only one scientific method.
There is only thinking.
Sleepy-Eyed John Miss Chiffs Manager ⋅ April 11, 2022
You've already lost credibility with me. But thanks for note.
Miss Chiffs Manager Sleepy-Eyed John ⋅ April 12, 2022
Bahaha.
Again, that's rich.