Anyone else's anxiety on a level 10 or is it just me? in Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of HAPPINESS

This first full week of 2022 has been a DOOZY! I cannot tell you when I last had a good nights rest!

My boyfriend was admitted into the hospital on Monday (after being sent home from the ER last Thursday and told “everything looks fine”. I encouraged him to go back in, but he went to a different ER location. As we already knew, something was VERY wrong. They found that there was absolutely no left leg circulation at all. Upon further investigation, they found a blood clot. Imagine had the first ER just done their damn job. Anyway, so he’s been in the hospital since Monday. He was set to come home today actually as of Wednesday 90% of the clot had been dissolved. Then yesterday early morning a nurse checked on him because they weren’t getting a pulse reading on his left foot. They checked him again and found that once again there was no circulation to his entire left leg. I’ve never known this to occur, so I’m worried of course. They did another procedure and plan to check him today, if it was unsuccessful he will probably have to have surgery. This whole thing has been so exhausting…the worrying, the not being able to visit (children aren’t allowed into the hospital right now). I did leave work early on Wednesday to go up and visit. He was gone for a procedure and I waited there as long as I could to see him, but I had to leave to go pick my daughter up from school. He’s being very “BLAH” about everything which leaves the reality of the worrying to me. He’s very grumpy and frustrated and in pain and discomfort from being made to lay on his back and his butt. He’s in a wheelchair, so being on his butt for long periods of time is painful. He sleeps off of his butt at home and has been on it now for days! I’m just so sad about the whole thing honestly. I’m exhausted in a new way. He’s normally the one that transports the kids to and from school because I go to work before their schools start. I missed Tuesdays inservice as school restarted this week. Everyday since, I’ve been 2 hours late to work each day. I have no other choice. We’re 2 hours away from family, so I’m the only one that can do it. I don’t have any sick leave left as I used it ALL at the beginning of the year when I had covid. I’ve been trying to talk to someone over in HR about FMLA, but in true fashion of horrible customer service in this town, I haven’t heard anything back.

My mothers phone isn’t working, and I haven’t been able to reach out to her in order to just have someone to talk to. Meanwhile, every time I turn on the radio I get flooded with Covid Vaccine commercials. I had to turn off my favorite podcast I listen to because they start off giving covid updates. I had to unfollow all of the News stations on facebook because everytime I logged on I was bombarded with Covid stuff. And right now, I know SO many people at home suffering with it. MY COVID ANXIETY IS THROUGH THE ROOF. At least when my boyfriend is home, he can help me in my moments of intense panic and help keep my mind off of everything, but with him gone and with it just being me and the kids…I’m barely able to sleep. Last night I was up once an hour every hour. My worst night of sleep yet. Tonight I’m letting the kids sleep in my bed and maybe that will help (although I know I’ll probably wake up in pain because they’re so wild).

To top it all off, the person I’ve been doing the most for and worrying the most about has been a complete and utter asshole to me. Blaming me for not being up at the hospital with him as if I have an option as to where to take the kids. My family is 2 hours away. When I ask if he needs me or needs me to come up there, he just says no and then later guilts me for not finding a way AS IF I HAVEN’T TRIED EVERYTHING I CAN! He’s currently upset because I haven’t reached out to his “family”. They’re not his real family, they’re the parents of friends of his. Anyway, I don’t know them that well. Would I trust my kids with them? Yes. But he also has the ability to reach out to them and let them know whats going on and then set something up. He may be in a hospital bed, but he’s also using his phone! I don’t have their numbers. I am friends with them on facebook, but I’m exhausted doing all the work. I already had to reach out to his sisters by myself because he never did. So I have a group chat with them to keep them updated. It’s a lot of pressure on my shoulders and the least he could do is reach out to his own “people” and ask them to watch the kids so I can come up there, but instead he’s an ass to me and makes me feel like it’s my fault.

I’m ready to break up and leave honestly.