I think not writing has been a good thing, not bad. It means my head has been in a better place than before so all rainbows and unicorns over here! Ok, it's not been that great but it has been on the up so no complaints.
In 5 days it will be 5 months since I last drank which I guess is a big factor in my mood but I am really worried as I go to a festival in 3 weeks and I know I am going to struggle. 5 days sat in a field with everyone around me drinking and for the past 10 years I was drinking with them and I obviously will not be driving so I have no excuse not to have a drink. At least the mister obviously knows and I was a brave girl and told a friend who is going why I quit drinking. He knows I have issues, well he knows about the OCD style part of it thanks to problems at work. If he knows/suspects anything more than that he doesn't say, but then again no one does. I told him I had to go on crazy pills which meant I couldn't drink so he knows not to encourage me to do so.
I don't know if it is the quitting drinking or the fact it is getting sunnier, could be a mixture of both why things are going better this year. So far my fuck ups this year have been minimal. Took some morphine which pretty much knocked me out and after being reminded it existed I now have 2 salt and ice burns which whilst they have healed are still very fresh looking. I actually ended going to a walk in center for one on my thigh since it was about the size of my palm and I needed bandages and since you can get that free on the NHS I may as well put my tax money to good use.
I don't think I have anything else worth saying. I still have the urge to self harm but I doubt that will ever go away. Will most likely post again after the festival about how well (or how badly) I coped.
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