I actually have no idea what I want or should write. I know I am going through a downer stage at the moment but it is feeling pretty mild so I guess that all this no drink and meds crap is going to work.
I lost my appetite a bit, just coffee and 2 pieces of fruit or a cereal bar to last me through the day then a meal in the evening when I get home from work. I guess it would put me about 1,000 calories a day which isn't too bad as I have a sit down job so I don't burn many calories moving around.
I have to make a doctor's appointment as right now my mood could go either way and a big part of me wants it to get worse. I am just not ready to be well right now. I just feel like I am missing out all of the time. It isn't fair that I have to cut out EVERYTHING and work a thousand times harder to get semblance of normality in my head. I miss cutting way too fucking much, I miss the blood and I miss getting fucked off my head when I am doing it. Right now I am getting no reward for stopping and I don't see why I should, it's not like I am harming anyone else. If cutting was viewed the same way as smoking I doubt I would ever stop.
Recovery would most likely be easier if I actually wanted to acheive it.
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