I, Dumbass in Hello

The craving hit hard and didn’t let go. Ended up at a liquor store looking for Vat 69. They didn’t have it, everything inside me was screaming to just leave yet I bought something anyway.

It was fucking awful. I forced shots down my throat till I was buzzed enough for sleep then dumped the rest out. The almost two weeks of waking up without a hangover were a very pleasant experience ruined by last night’s actions today.

Actually had a thought of a walk in clinic to see if I could score more benzos but truth is…I abused those, too. Three a day? Nah, two at a time then one every hour after till I’ve got about five in me and feel amazingly relaxed.

I’m an addict.
I know this.
I fully admit this.
Not just booze but anything that can alter the mind and numb the body.

Ugh!

The truth, they say, will set you free but I’m bound down to addictions.

I didn’t pay off the psychiatrist yet ‘cause I used that money paying off the other law firm. My car payment is now due and I have to renew my VERY expensive auto insurance by the 29th. Don’t drink and drive, not only is it stupid and reckless but very costly.

I want to go to the middle of the field and scream at the sky a big fuck you. But I brought it upon myself.

I’ve dealt my hand, now I play it.

Last updated September 07, 2021