Hours in First entry

This may be the last entry in this book. Tomorrow I turn the page and close this chapter of my life. I am down to hours of being legally married. Almost 17 years of my life. I’ve learned a lot by walking this path. There have been good time, there have been bad times. I’m ready for it to be over. I am ready to be free of her. She will no longer have my last name. That’s important. I’ve worked hard to build a name with honor and dignity. I do not believe she deserves that.

I’m sure she will remarry shortly. Again, that’s her call. I believe she isnheading for disaster. She ran off with a guy that has a clear pattern of not being able to be stable. I wish her the best. I have spent this time reflecting and healing. Reviewing what parts of me I wanted to improve. I started this with the question of why wasn’t I worthy of being loved? I had my flaws, just like eachone of you that’s reading this right now. Ultimately, I have realized that I am worthy of love. I have, for probably the first time in my life, realized my value. I want someone in my life, but I don’t need them. I’ve realized the importance of being in touch with your feelings. The necessity of being vulnerable and openly communicating your thoughts. It’s probably a good idea to meet someone more than 4 times before you get married. Yes, that’s a legit thing and I stuck it out almost 16 years. Place the big things upfront and don’t settle. If they aren’t on board, you have to let them go. Hope’s, dreams, values, goals all of these are deal breakers. If they don’t align or the other person doesn’t have them, do both of yourselves a favor and end it.

The future looks bright. It was a long and dark path I had to walk and honestly God sent so many wonderful people to help me along the way. I am not foolish enough to believe there aren’t hard times ahead of me. I’m sure there are. But this is behind me. The life that I believed I was going to live has now changed and I have an amazing opportunity to correct the mistakes I have made in the past, I can find someone that actually will accept me for me and love me, despite my short comings. I have the chance to finally live my life knowing that I am good enough and I need to be considerate of my person’s feelings, but I also need to be aware of my own.

Hours, I am down to hours before I can finally close the book and it feels great!