barrage medley in idea barrages

1.) Ladies, if you're sick of trying to rehabilitate bad boys and drunks & want a man whose main flaw is poor job prospects, try Brand Mike!

2.) They allow you to slide down streams of brown liquor while standing. They're called Bukow-skis.

3.) If you're a fan of a Kings team and you write "gokings" as one word in social media, it only scans as "joking" to the eyes.

4.) I need you to take the video for the terrible "Summer of '69" song and edit in the sound of "Sabotage" instead.

5.) Every time someone refers to their twitter or fb "timeline" pretend they speak of their timeline in, like, a Back To The Future 2 sense.

6.) I See An Obvious Lame Click-Bait Link Headline And What Happens Next Might Shock You! (I don't click it.)

7.) The Amazing Colossal Man and The 50-Foot Woman eloped yesterday, after a whirlwind growmance.

8.) I'mma start a website about bitching about how hopeless online dating sites are. I'm callin' it "grumblr".