Trapped... in Deeper Bits (Emotional and such)

That’s how I feel here. Now it’s just getting worse. Language warning.

Part of my moving plan requires the purchase of an enclosed trailer that I can put my car, motorcycle, and a few other things in, and pull it with my truck. I changed my auto transfer to savings to $150 per week, to save up to buy the damn thing. I’d been aiming at a new one I found for about $8,500+tax and license. I’ve been checking on Craigslist and a few others, and that’s been about the average price. I’ve not looked in a couple weeks, so I was shocked when I looked to day. On top of all my industry price increases at work, you’d think I’d take that into account on something made out of lots of metal, but now $13,000 is about average. Shocked the shit out of me. I had saved to the point that I was about comfortable to pull the trigger and buy one. That just shit my plans right out the fucking window.

First I get bent over by the city and lose the shipping container half of the plan, and had to sell that - at a loss. (I can get another one, I just need a place to put the damn thing, since I can’t have it in my yard.) Now, the trailer I needed for the other half of this is out the window for I have no idea how long. What’s gonna happen when I get to a point where I’m comfortable plonking down 13 grand? They’re gonna jump to 20k?

I’m JUST getting to the point where I’m starting to get moving on all this organizing and packing, and get dealt this blow. And like the shipping container, the trailer was going to serve as a temporary shuffle space to get things packed (and some crated), to just have it ready to go. What the hell am I supposed to do? I feel like I’m back at square 1.

I know moving here has had its benefits, like now apparently this place is worth at least $370k, which really makes me able to buy what I want back home. But oh yeah, how the fuck am I supposed to get home!? I’ve moved half way across the country before. I’m not doing that in multiple trips. It’s 4 days of basically non-stop driving. So what? Drive 4 days with the first load, unload, fly back, and do it again, until I get everything there, using a Penske truck? And what about my truck? I can’t tow it with a rental truck, and I can’t rent a trailer big enough to pull the car that far (and I won’t. I’ve dragged a car with a moving truck twice. I’m not doing that shit again.) Even then, If I could justify the expense of renting a box truck, I’m still making a separate trip for at least one of my vehicles, if not two. That’s 8 more days of driving I have to fucking do. No. Just, no.

The whole plan was to do this shit in one trip. Most everything goes in the shipping container (including the shed/garage and carport - I’m a cheap ass. That’s $8k-9k I have no intention of losing), my truck pulls my trailer with the car, the bike, and a few household necessities, 4 days, and it’s done. One trip. One simple fucking trip. Not 2, not 3, just one. I don’t even know where to start anymore. I have no fucking help either. Okay, that’s partly my own fault (partly due to my history here - my ability to trust people has just been completely fucked up thanks to BM, ZG, MC, S, and others). I. WANT. TO. GO. HOME. But I feel like that’s such an impossibility now.

I want to move home.
I can’t because I have to buy a house there. (And this will be the last place I’m moving to, because moving sucks.)
I can’t buy a house there, because I have to sell this one first.
I can’t sell this house, because I have to fix it up a bit first.
I can’t fix it up a bit, because I need to get things packed up and out of my way.
I can’t pack up and get things out of my way, because I have nowhere to put them.
I have no where to put them, because I can’t have a shipping container on my property.
I can’t have a shipping container elsewhere, because now I can’t afford the goddamn trailer to haul crated up belongings to a shipping container.
And this is only part of my internal fiasco.
I also can’t get straight answers on do I mortgage the new house and pay it off with the proceeds from this house, or do I sell this house and buy the new house without a mortgage? (Because I’m planning to NOT have a mortgage in the end, on the new house.)
And if I sell first, how quickly do I have to buy?
What taxes am I going to have to pay on the proceeds from this house to the IRS? (WA and TX don’t have state income tax)
What am I going to owe in sales tax?
What am I going to have to pay for title/deed fees in either state?

And I’ve now gotten so bogged down under all this, I’m afraid to even reach out and ask a realtor or the credit union these questions. Trying to just absolutely sends my anxiety through the fucking roof.

I want to get the fuck out of here. BADLY! It just feels almost impossible at this point. Call me co-dependant, but beginning to feel like I simply cannot do this alone. I had BM’s support to move here. I don’t have that now. As nice as it would be to start up a relationship with someone back home, and have that support line to help me get home, I can’t trust LDR’s anymore, not after knowing how many lies BM told me. (The next door neighbor at our apartment really didn’t like her much, and her daughter and another neighbor confirmed it all.) So what the fuck am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to get home? How does this shit all work? It’s the beginning of hurricane season on the gulf coast. I’d still MUCH rather be there than here.

Time to go to bed. I wish I could relax as well as my cat does. Silly bugger acts like nothing at all bothers him. Lucky bastard.