Been a while... in Deeper Bits (Emotional and such)

I’ve been having a good time of it. Not really. And the heat isn’t helping my mood.

I’ve had no motivation to do much of anything. Oh, I’ve had the desire to do things. Just, no motivation.

I was out on one of the islands on a job, that ended up being a across the street from my friend, GA. I don’t know I’ve mentioned her here before. Anyway, It was good to see her. Her daughters have grown up so much since I last saw them. The oldest is approaching double digits, and already giving her mom hell. The younger is at the cute stage where everything is a story, and everyone is there to see her. They’re both good kids. I made point in my head, after she told me her days off, that I’d drive back out and see her when we both had days off. That was weeks ago. I want to go see her. I want to go hang out with her. But by the time the weekend comes around, I’m dead. Same goes for any other projects I want to do. Although, I’ve managed to put the sprinkler out a few times this week, so maybe my yard won’t die. Oh, and we’re smovercast. (Wild fires on the other side of the mountains, and we’re getting smoked.) Yeah, so unmotivated I’ve not even been able to pick up this computer and write something here.

I’m either not dreaming, or not remembering anything of it. I only remember one glimpse of BL a few weeks ago. I don’t know if that’s good or bad. The summer also isn’t good for my.... god i’m even tired of writing about it. The being alone shit. Screw this. I’m alive, I’m unhappy, I’m permanently exhausted, and I’m sick of being alone. The usual gripes. I don’t know why I bother even saying it. Nobody gives a shit. I may as well be a fucking houseplant as far as anyone else is concerned.

Maybe I shouldn’t have come back here. I don’t matter.