Restart in Weight Loss Surgery

May was a complete bust weight loss wise. I’ve got to revamp my thinking and eating.

I went to my WLS doc this Friday for a weigh in and for him to go over my blood work.

He did notice that I didn’t lose as much as I could have in 3 months. He doesn’t know May was pretty much a stand still.

He did say since I lost SOMETHING he wasn’t gonna complain too much, but I should do better before my next appt in August.

He asked about what I was eating and I told him mainly 2 shakes a day to keep my protein up, and then I do eat other things. ALL the other things. Even bad things. But I try to keep myself under 800 cals a day.

He said I could def eat more than that, like 1000 cals a day as long as I’m EATING food and not drinking everything.

Chewing is what sends the signal to your brain that you are full before you stomach gets over full. And drinking most of your meals leaves you hungrier and you tend to snack around on things that are not as healthy.

He - like so many people - didn’t really have great advice on being a vegetarian and on a diet but he did say extra firm tofu, nuts, fruits and veggies that I can eat by chewing is better for me to stick to my calories than drinking shakes and being hungry again an hour later.

Yes, I have to keep my protein up, esp. over my carb intake, but there’s many ways to get in protein and I have to stop relying on the shakes. Plus the shakes and bars often are sweet with a lot of unnecessary sugar. I need more real food.

I get where he’s coming from. I did over eat in May, I even stopped tracking my food cause I didn’t like seeing how often I was going over my calories but I guess I’m at the point where I need to up my calories and I didn’t know. I guess I can’t hover at 600 cals a day forever.

I’m kind afraid to eat 1000 cals a day, but I’ve been eating like shit all May and I’m still 226. I didn’t gain! I just didn’t lose as much as I wanted. I think I only lost 5lb in May, and that was WHILE eating like shit.

I will always have to fight against that mindset that eating less is better for me. Starvation is never the way.

I just have to wipe the slate clean for May and restart in June.

More calories and more solid foods.

I’ve also been toying with the idea of going vegan. A lot of my protein comes from dairy but I don’t like the dairy industry and I don’t like myself for eating dairy. So I have got to figure out the best way to get vegan protein.

This memorial weekend I was pretty much dairy free and my snacks were more like nuts than parm crisps. I don’t drink regular milk, or even much almond milk any more. Really it’s more when I go out to my parents or my in laws. There’s usually cheese and ice cream on the menu. And I’ll have to refuse when possible. I don’t know that I’ll ever be fully vegan, it seems so hard but I can make more of an effort.

IN BETTER NEWS I bought some news clothes.

I think I’m like an 18/20 in bottoms but a 14/16 in tops. I’m developing quite a spare tire as my stomach deflates and so my bottom is bigger than my top but that’s ok. I started at like 24/26 so this is amazing.

I am desperately looking for a cute dress for a wedding coming up in July. I have dresses but they’re not laying right anymore, esp with half my chest gone.

I have a lot of “empire” style dresses which cling to the chest and then flow out at the bottom But when your boobs are gone the dress doesn’t lay right. The chest is obviously empty.

I finally found a dress I like at Torrid (plus size store) and then I went to their sale/clearance page and found some shirts for like $5. I bought 14/16 size and when they came, they fit really well! I am SO SURPRISED that this size fits me well!

Last summer I wouldn’t have been able to get a shirt like that over my boobs, not to mention my stomach.

I still need to get the bra situation sorted. All my bras are old and stretched and so I don’t know that I can trust the size. But I tried out some bras when I went to a Walmart that actually had the dressing rooms open and I tried a couple sizes and nothing fit perfectly. I don’t know if the band size is wrong or the cup is wrong.

I feel like my boobs are too small for a person this fat and until I lose more weight so the band size is smaller it won’t really equal up with the cup size and … I’m just gonna have to stick to sports bras till I figure it out.

I’ve told my friends about this issue and they all want me to get measured in person, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I’m too shy/embarrassed. I know it’s their job and they’re not supposed to judge but I can’t bring myself to do it.

It’s like people who get their hoohaa waxed. How the fuck do you show that area to people?? I cringe at the thought of anyone looking at my crotch or tits that closely.

And no, I haven’t been to a gyno in a million years.

I’m a total prude in that way and if you think I can’t handle criticism in my work, I don’t think you want to imagine the melt down if someone criticized my boobs or crotch. I cried when I got my first cavity. I felt like the dentist felt my mouth was dirty and I didn’t take care of it cause I got a cavity. He had to actually console me and tell me having my first cavity in my 30s was something to be proud of and that I DID take care of my teeth.

I’m so hard on myself. I know I’m too hard.

AND I KNOW the bra lady or wax lady is not going to (or they’re not supposed to) criticize but I just can’t. I can’t do it. I just can’t. I can’t willingly show someone a flaw.

I’m embarrassed of myself. Even if I lose 100lbs I’m still gonna be all giggly and still be embarrassed of myself.

I’m overreacting but I can’t do it and so I’m just gonna be weird in the bra department for a while…

Last updated June 01, 2021